Dr. Birdcage passed this along – “The List: 5 Reasons Why We Should Worry About an Ape Revolution.” It’s from Smithsonian Magazine’s Around the Mall blog.

With the impending release this Friday of the documentary summer blockbuster Rise of the Planet of the Apes, I thought we should all be prepared in case we ever face chemically enhanced apes that attempt to take over our world. In the past on our site we’ve investigated zombies and kept a running record on robot technology, but the threat of ape rebellion had yet to be cataloged. The National Zoo’s Amanda Bania, a keeper who works with the great apes, told me that gorillas, chimpanzees, orangutans and the other ape species can best us in many ways, even without being injected with mysterious serums by James Franco. This week’s list deals with 5 ways that apes outdo humans:

[read the whole post]

I mostly posted this to fuel JunglePete’s clearly rational and justified fears about the impending ape-based apocalypse.

Everyone knows Dr. Birdcage and I are extremely powerful. The insane international success of Artomatic 2007, which we co-chaired, should be proof enough. If it’s not, here’s more proof – Once, I burned down Gatorland….with my mind. Now, Dr. Birdcage has caused a world-wide banana blight.

Be nice to us or we’re going to get together this weekend and write some short stories.

Legal notice: I did not actually burn down Gatorland or any other roadside attraction. Dr. Birdcage did not cause this or any other banana blight. If you wake up and you’re a cockroach on Sunday, it’s purely coincidental. Probably.

…but that’s what has happened. Yes, even when I’m wiped out with a nasty case of bronchial-wahatsits, loopy on high doses of steroids and antibiotics, and just generally drooling on myself I can find a way to get myself neckdeep in…something. Or, at the very least, spur others to action. There’s a blogpost brewing about all of this, but it’s too important to be dashed off in a hurry so it probably won’t appear until Monday.

Plus, today is a major holiday, and I think I deserve the day off from thinking Deep Strategic Political Thoughts, don’t you?

Plus, tomorrow is the start of National Novel Writing Month and I don’t have a clue what I’m going to write. I don’t even have any extra character names floating around the top of my head. This may be the year I write about homicidal artists…

Plus, I have to pace myself. I might actually have two outings today. I bought bloodred/black dahlias at the farmer’s market this morning and I’m going to meander over to fiberspace to work on my malabrigo scarf for a little while (and then it’s naptime). I lead a life of great excitement and danger.

IMG_1382

Plus, tonight we have to give out candy to the small, cute trick-or-treaters. Once they finish (or we run out of candy) we’ll shut off the lights and hide. It’s a strategy that works well for us.

On an unrelated, yet adorable, note, our fence has made us rockstars with the little kids in the neighborhood. They’re in awe, it’s only 4 feet high but that’s gigantic to them. Little girls blow me kisses now as they toddle by with their parents. I’m so used to my very presence making them cry that I just don’t know what to do!

photo-1

Back to Halloween. Halloween is serious business in my neighborhood. A few streets away the neighbors got a permit to close the street to accommodate their Halloween festivities. I don’t know how they’re going to top last year’s mock executions, but they’ve promised to give it a try.

On an unrelated note, last night Dr. Birdcage and The Amazing Phil stayed over after the opening of Phil’s new show at Irvine Contemporary. Phil’s new work is very cool and I’m hoping to own one of these captivating images.

IMG_1360

The awesomest part about hosting Dr. Birdcage is that she always leaves the guestroom neater than she found it. Next time she’s here I’m going to see if I can’t get her to stay in the laundry room. That place is a wreck.

Mark your calendars, Saturday June 13th is Artist Night at Artomatic. The “meet the artists” portion of the evening is officially 7-9 p.m.

Husband and I are excited that we’ll get to see Dr. Birdcage and Phil. We’re having another slumber party that night and we’re hoping Phil will read us bedtime stories from my collection of extra-terrestrial ethnographies.

“Dr Birdcage and Phil” has an excellent ring to it. Like Tony Orlando and Dawn, except not at all like that. Maybe like that a little. I’ll think about it a bit more and get back to you.

Can’t think about it right now, I’m distracted. It’s possible that Sherill and I may be getting slightly too enthusiastic about Artist Night. Specifically, about our dresses.

We’ve been overheard making statements such as, “Add the other corset and you could set your drink on my breasts!” and “My dress won’t fit into the trunk of my car” and “I won’t be able to wear a tiara and a veil at the same time.” These could perhaps be indicators that we’re out of control. I don’t have the energy for all this, so I was starting to loose momentum about dressing up. I actually started having second thoughts about the whole Bee Widow outfit after I took one of the crinolines out of the underskirt and decided it was still a bit awkward to wear all evening. Then I remembered something very important. I remembered that the actual Meet the Artist time is 2 hours and I could, you know, change clothes at some point into a less formal gown or maybe even…jeans.

Yes, there are far, far more important things to think about than ballgowns and boobs and bees, but they aren’t nearly as fun.