The Sopranos in Space; Or, Tammy's got a gun (Caprica spoilers? Probably not, but maybe)

March 15, 2010

I like Caprica a lot more than I like (the re-imagined) Battlestar Galactica. I enjoyed BSG the first time I watched it. The suspense kept me watching – much like Lost, I wanted to see how it all resolved, despite the frequently turgid pacing.

I even enjoyed re-watching the 1st season after the series ended – that was fun. But that’s where BSG and I had to part ways because rewatching it past the 1st season was so frakking boring for me that I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a spork just to end the monotony. A spork, people. Do you understand how much torpor a show has to cause that the viewer becomes so lethargic that they can’t even get their ass off the couch to find a proper eye-gouging implement, like a spoon or perhaps a melon baller? A lot.

Luckily, I didn’t have a spork close at hand, so I still have two eyes. I also have a lot more room on our Netflix queue now that I’ve purged the rest of BSG. If you love BSG and want to watch it over and over, more power to you. I just can’t.

Nevetheless, I thought I’d give Caprica a go, if only out of morbid curiosity and because Eric Stoltz is kinda nerdy hot. Caprica is supposed to be about the creation of the Cylons and also about the relationship between Daniel Graystone (Stoltz) and Bill Adama’s father (Esai Morales, a talent that is seriously being wasted here so far). You’d think the story of Bill Adama’s formative years would be interesting. You’d be wrong. You’d be seriously frakking wrong.

The Young Bill Adama subplot, wherein the Sopranos, I mean, the Adamas, go about their daily lives is boring. We get it. The Taurans face prejudice and cultural stereotypes and some of them are involved in organized crime. We get it. We get it. We get it.

Do you hear me? Borrrrring.

It put me into such a stupor that I failed to even notice that a major(ish) character is played by James Marsters (aka Spike).

Do you even know who your audience is, dear writers? I made you a chart to help you out. This is a breakdown of the typical Caprica viewing audience:

Now, let’s make with the rise of the genocidal robots already.

edited to add:
Sorry iphone users – the chart categories are:
-BSG fans
-People who think Eric Stoltz is kinda hot
-People who accidentally watched Caprica because they were too lazy to change the channel when they realized it was only Friday & they had to wait a whole ‘nother day for Dinocroc versus Megashark

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