Category Archives: seriously?

The feet are the foundation of the opossum

Pearl is a deceased squirrel who channels prophesies and advice through her (former) human caretaker. Pearl has an extensive website that features more than just her caretaker demonstrating the proper way to give an opossum a pedicure, but it’s the pedicure video that originally caught my attention, so that’s what you get today.

“The most entertaining opossum pedicure tutorial you will watch today, guaranteed.”

After you watch this video, you will feel saner, guaranteed.

Via Husband via The Daily What.

Are you kidding me?

In what possible universe did BP Chief Tony Hayward think that attending a yacht race would be okay while his company destroys the Gulf of Mexico? The whole thing leaves me speechless. I thought Rahm Emanuel’s assessment was brilliant.

“To quote Tony Hayward, he’s got his life back,” Mr. Emanuel said.

Hayward made a lame apology after being blasted for idiotically stating to Gulf Coast residents that, “I would like my life back.” Clearly he doesn’t get it, as he thought it appropriate to attend a yacht race with his son. (It’s unclear from crew lists whether Hayward was actually participating in the race or watching – but it doesn’t matter which to me).

The whole yachting incident is so infuriating, it would be easy to miss the embroglio over the transfer of major responsibilities within the company. Luckily, The New York Times has come to the rescue:

On Friday, the chairman of the board of BP, Carl-Henric Svanberg, told the British TV network Sky News that Mr. Hayward would be “now handing over” the daily operations in the gulf to Robert Dudley, an American who joined BP as part of its acquisition of Amoco a decade ago.

On Saturday, BP tried to clarify what Mr. Svanberg had said about the transition of leadership in the gulf. “What he meant by ‘now,’ ” Ms. Williams said, was that “there would be a transition over to Bob over a period of time.”

“Obviously, Tony’s main priority remains overseeing all BP operations,” she said. “Over all, there will be some responsibilities handed over, but Tony will remain in full control until we have stopped the leak.”

I was going to make a sarcastic comment about the Marx Brothers being in charge, but it would be terribly insulting to their memory to liken them to BP.

When I was 4 all I wanted was a pony

los angeles craigslist > central LA > gigs > talent gigs

Ensturzende Neubauten Covers Band Wanted (Brentwood)

Date: 2010-02-05, 8:45AM PST
Reply to: gigs-qcscr-1587216337@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Ensturzende Neubauten Covers Band needed to perform at my daughter’s 4th birthday party. We already have a Faust one and an Amon Duul one. You will need to recreate and do a note for note rendition of the Expo 86 performance from Vancouver. There will be no animals or pets present so that will be one less thing to worry about. Your performance will be at 11.15am sharp at Brentwood Elementary. We have rented a 5000 watt PA system. Faust have eaten up all our entertainment budget so just being at Lulu’s party should suffice. Party bags and cake will be presented to you upon leaving by the party girl herself. no jelly bellies and most of all no time wasters.

I don’t know if it’s real or not, but either way it’s hilarious.

Plan B

Plan B is the trademarked name for a drug more commonly known as “the morning after pill.” I mention this because I almost scalded my nasal passages with coffee this morning when I started reading Petula Dvorak’s peppy article about part-time adventurer’s searching for missing light aircraft:

One of the best vanity plates ever was in front of me a while back, rolling west on Interstate 66.

It was on a minivan, with a dad hunched over the wheel, ducking as toys and food flew back and forth between his battling spawn.

The plate said it all: “Plan B.”

Maybe the driver once wanted to be an archaeologist slashing his way through the jungle, a mountaineer mapping new terrain or a crime scene investigator making brilliant deductions to solve the case.

But here he was, probably late for soccer practice or exiting early from a disastrous dance recital. [read the whole thing]

Later there’s a bit of (presumably unintended) hilarity later in the piece when Dvorak mentions overpopulation.

Incidentally, you’d think coffee would be a bad plan after a nearly-lethal case of heartburn, but since I’m pretty sure there’s nothing left of my esophagus and the coffee is just running straight into my thoracic cavity I’m not sure it really matters anymore. That might also be the fever talking…

The regularly scheduled fireball has been cancelled

Actual subheading in a Washington Post article this morning: “No Explosion Expected Tomorrow.” It’s like April Fool’s Day came early.

If you aren’t a DC person, you missed this bit of hilarity regarding the alleged impending fireball in Georgetown. I can hear what you’re thinking, “What? That sounds insane!” Truly. Not to mention wildly inaccurate.

Briefly yesterday — before officials hastily issued a correction — it looked like commuters near Georgetown would be in for quite a show tomorrow morning.

“For the filming of a TV pilot, there will be a simulated explosion on Wednesday . . . between 9:30 a.m. and noon near the Key Bridge,” read a somewhat exaggerated advisory from the Metropolitan Washington Council of Governments. The bulletin, which was quickly posted on news Web sites and which the council later attributed to interagency miscommunication, said, “The explosion will produce a 20 to 30′ fireball that will last for approximately two minutes.”

Cool!

But no — not in this hyper-secure, hyper-vigilant capital city. A prolonged explosion? A towering fireball? Imagine the potential for panic.

The article then goes on to explain that the show being filmed, a CBS show called, “Washington Field,” isn’t really going to try to incinerate the city. Josh Friedman, from the DC Film Office goes on to explain that the very word “explosion” was “misleading” and provides further clarification about the shoot, which will take place out in the Potomac:

“It will last for two seconds, not two minutes. It’s really just going to be a flash of light and a puff of smoke, and it will be vaporized into the air in seconds. Really — I mean, if you blink, you’ll miss it. It’s really a nonevent.”

So there you have it.