Stephen Colbert (Comedy Central, 2014)

Years ago, I ran into Stephen Colbert on campus. We chatted for several minutes before I realized he wasn’t a coworker, but was instead a magical television friend. That was back in ye olde days when Colbert was a correspondent for The Daily Show.

(He was exiting the men’s room in our department, in that context, he was familiar but in the wrong context).

Little did I know that one day he’d be the First Lady of France!

On The Colbert Report last night, Colbert explained that he was French President François Hollande’s date for the White House State Dinner Tuesday night.

Colbert Report: White House State Dinner

Later in the episode, Colbert presented “Because Shep” – a Fun Sized serving of inspire lunacy in which Shep reviewed the State Dinner menu with viewers. If you don’t watch Fox regularly, you may not realize that the foods the Obamas eat are elitist and foreign, not at all like the (exact same foods) that Conservative leaders serve at formal dinners. There’s usually a lot of implied classism, with a crunchy undertone of bigotry, but today Shep turned the Fox Bumpkin routine up to 11 with truly divine results.


Colbert Report: Because Shep

Remember people, Smith is rumored to the smart one up there on Bullshit Mountain.

Image: Stephen Colbert (Comedy Central, 2014)

I’m detoxing from too much CNN by just watching this clip over and over. It seems to be working out okay for me. This probably isn’t safe for work. I can never tell anymore since I don’t work with other people – and even when I did, they weren’t really safe for work.

The news is making me crazier than it usually does. The unrelenting violence in Mexico, North Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq, Sudan. Even the uncertainty over the recent rash of incendiary devices in the US Mail.

Then there’s the horrifying shootings in Arizona of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, 9 year old Christina Taylor Green, Judge John M. Roll, and over a dozen other bystanders. The news pains me even more than usual. I spent too much time watching CNN yesterday. I knew it was time to turn the TV off when I heard myself hissing, “Blitzer,” at the screen while my left eye twitched.

I don’t have any moralizing, politicizing, criticizing or other commentary. I don’t have all the facts. I don’t know any more than you do. I can say only one thing: Yes, John Boehner, this is when you should be crying.

So an angry man named Brendan Liam O’Rourke walked onto a school playground last Friday and opened fire.

One of the witnesses to Friday’s shooting, Stephanie Durkee, a campus monitor at the school for 17 years, said Tuesday O’Rourke was yelling when he came on to the playground and started shooting. He was armed with a .357 Magnum revolver. Durkee said he shouted: “Death to Obama. Kill all the little (expletive). Death to them.”

Durkee said when she asked him what he was doing, he replied, “This is a drill and these are blanks.”

Cain said investigators plan to re-interview Durkee and the U.S. Secret Service is looking into the account because of the reference to President Barack Obama.

Durkee was one of three staffers honored at Kelly Elementary on Monday, along with three construction workers and two neighbors who helped chase down the gunman.

The gun wasn’t loaded with blanks and two 2nd graders were shot before the shooter was subdued by the construction workers.

Story via a post at Crooks and Liars that was sent to me by a reader. I also saw a tweet about it from DrDigipol. Where I haven’t seen this story is…pretty much anywhere else. On the one hand, those media feeding-frenzies that turn these nuts into heroes to other nuts always make me angry. On the other hand, someone walked onto a playground and shot small children with a .357, how is that not news?

In what possible universe did BP Chief Tony Hayward think that attending a yacht race would be okay while his company destroys the Gulf of Mexico? The whole thing leaves me speechless. I thought Rahm Emanuel’s assessment was brilliant.

“To quote Tony Hayward, he’s got his life back,” Mr. Emanuel said.

Hayward made a lame apology after being blasted for idiotically stating to Gulf Coast residents that, “I would like my life back.” Clearly he doesn’t get it, as he thought it appropriate to attend a yacht race with his son. (It’s unclear from crew lists whether Hayward was actually participating in the race or watching – but it doesn’t matter which to me).

The whole yachting incident is so infuriating, it would be easy to miss the embroglio over the transfer of major responsibilities within the company. Luckily, The New York Times has come to the rescue:

On Friday, the chairman of the board of BP, Carl-Henric Svanberg, told the British TV network Sky News that Mr. Hayward would be “now handing over” the daily operations in the gulf to Robert Dudley, an American who joined BP as part of its acquisition of Amoco a decade ago.

On Saturday, BP tried to clarify what Mr. Svanberg had said about the transition of leadership in the gulf. “What he meant by ‘now,’ ” Ms. Williams said, was that “there would be a transition over to Bob over a period of time.”

“Obviously, Tony’s main priority remains overseeing all BP operations,” she said. “Over all, there will be some responsibilities handed over, but Tony will remain in full control until we have stopped the leak.”

I was going to make a sarcastic comment about the Marx Brothers being in charge, but it would be terribly insulting to their memory to liken them to BP.

Today’s Reliable Source includes a piece about the Obama’s dining choices since they moved to DC. There’s an error at the end, when they note that Friday’s Five Guy’s trip was in Arlington. The President was at the Capitol Riverfront Five Guy’s on Friday – the one next to . A number of our visiting UK artists happened to be there for lunch and met the President. They were positively over the moon about the whole thing.

(The website had the correct info on Friday).

He said: “He was dressed as a blue Smurf and nobody goes out to battle dressed as a blue Smurf.

Link courtesy of JunglePete. In case I haven’t mentioned it recently, JunglePete is a rockstar. Check out the letters he got after his recent presentation about alligators to a group of elementary school students.

I must admit I’m mildly concerned that I’m going to be sharing a bathroom with Chomp-Chomp when I go to visit.*


*That was a joke. JunglePete is a responsible professional who does not keep wild or so-called exotic animals as pets or keep reptiles in his bathroom. I hope.