Siesta Key - 2017

We kicked off the new year doing as little as possible for a few days on Siesta Key, in preparation for a whirlwind bout of Family Fun that we had to schedule for the 1st week in January because…well, just because.

Despite the delay, we did indeed have a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. One could go so far as to say it was the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.*

Seriously, does anyone ever actually get through the holidays without someone shouting “Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?” at least once a day?

Today’s the last day of our visit, so Mom and I made it as challenging as possible for Husband. Mostly, this involved taking both cats to the vet. Mom makes separate appointments because it’s too difficult to manage both cats at the same time.

In the morning, Tom T. Cat struggled a bit while we inserted his ponderous bulk into the cat carrier, but then he settled down and spent the car-ride singing the song of his people. Tom may be of mysterious parentage, but that voice is all Siamese.

Getting Count Scratchula into the carrier later in the afternoon wasn’t quite as easy. It involved 3 adults running around the house after a cat acting as though her hindquarters were being licked by the very flames of perdition. Did I mention the screaming? There was a lot of screaming. And, at one point, mom and I collapsed in a heap on the kitchen floor and laughed until we nearly passed out. Husband didn’t find this terribly helpful, for some reason.

I believe this day will go down in family legend as a spit-drenched fiasco of feline proportions. No video exists of this incident. All witnesses are currently resting comfortably and expected to make a full recovery. After we staunch the bleeding.

*I’m appalled how many of you don’t get that Christmas Vacation reference, so here’s the whole NSFW clip, for your post-holiday enjoyment:

embedded clip: Christmas Vacation

If you’re looking for some holiday movies to go along with that bottle of bourbon Santa left under the tree, here’s a trio that will guarantee your whole family needs therapy for years to come.

Rare Exports (2010) is a 3 year old Finnish horror/comedy for the whole (Addams) family. It’s a really good movie.

The other two movies on this list? Not so much.

Santa Claus (1959) is the heartwarming tale of the year Santa fought the Devil. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) features a young Pia Zadora. Enough said. Neither of those films should be viewed in their original form. Trust me, you’ll break your brain. Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (MST3K) versions of both are readily available on Netflix, Amazon, Youtube, etc.

Rare Exports trailer:

The Rare Exports Safety Video (a 10 minute short/sequel to the original movie):

Santa Claus (MST3K edition)

MSTK3K presents Santa Claus Versus the Martians (MST3K edition):

Merry Christmas!

image: The Addams Family Christmas episode (1965)

Merry Christmas from this thing – which is apparently a toddler-sized animatronic raccoon that has lost it’s ski poles and is now futilely miming skiing – and not, as I originally thought, a toddler-sized animatronic squirrel miming lewd acts in our general direction.

It’s part of this yard, which I couldn’t even get a full picture of:

You can read about it here.

We made a trip over to 1601 Collingwood Road to view the Christmas Light spectacular. This is what Holly’s Tacky Christmas Lights in Fairfax has to say about the display (I inserted links and embedded the video so any linking errors are mine):

1601 Collingwood Road, Alexandria

My top favorite…Extremely large house and yard with beautifully done lights everywhere! Very classy and tacky at the same time. I loved the ground cover done in green lights with the larger red (berry) lights. Also, many groups of lighted deer figures. And the homeowner does all this, not a landscape company…

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE use extra care on Collingwood Road and do NOT make a u-turn when you are finished viewing. This is a narrow and dangerous road with substantial regular traffic. One vehicle has already had to be towed out this year. This required police to close the road for 30 minutes and the concern is that a similar incident may force the display to be shut down. So, PLEASE, NO U TURNS ON COLLINGWOOD!!

Display Enhancments over the years:
2008 – Look for the stream and pond to be expanded and additional animation surrounding the animated mega-tree. 92 new wireframes have been fabricated and new and revised (with additional animated channels) songs for 2008 will total 10. Also many more lights are now replaced with LEDs.
2007 – added more animation including a flowing stream and pond with leaping fish.

Check out the following videos on YouTube: – 12/15/2007 – 8:15 – 12/23/2006 – 1:46

Also see Tacky Humor page for a very humorous YouTube video using Collingwood Lights as backing.

12/21/07-After years of exchanging emails, I finally got to meet the extremely talented man who does this display. I have so much respect for this gentleman and his abilities. He is truly a master of Christmas Light design. We are so fortunate to have him here locally.
2006 – added 28 more leaping deer, 30 shooting stars, 250 strobes and 21,000 led’s. Animated to music.
2005 – Leaping reindeer.

For more information on his display specification, visit his website.

Holly also maintains the Fairfax Christmas Lights blog.

Amazing, 355 days into blog365 and I almost forgot to post anything today. That would have been sad, wouldn’t it?

The same co-workers who complained for an hour this morning about how Christmas should not be a holiday because it caters to Christians have now shifted to complaining about working on the day after Christmas and how unfair it is.

Dr. Noodles and I have decided to just turn our offices into a bunker (not exactly a stretch of either the imagination or available resources) and play loud music all day to keep everyone away.