Victor Garber is one of our favorite actors. His new show, Present Laughter, was in rehearsals when we were in New York a few weeks ago.

We opted for dinner with some friends instead, but as a consolation prize we Tivo’d an episode of the Martha Stewart Show wherein Martha terrorizes Garber with power tools. But first, she makes him sit with a 15 foot python across his lap. I can’t embed the video of the show intro but it’s worth going to the site to watch it, so you’ll have to follow this link.

Seriously. Go check out the video. I know it’s says it’s 12 minutes long, but just go watch the first couple of minutes because Martha is extra-super-crazy when she’s got a huge python as her straight man.

Garber just bought Gypsy Rose Lee’s house so Martha taught him how to build a plant stand. Husband needs to make me a plant stand.

A few weeks before Christmas our Tivo, Overlord 2, sucked up an old Martha Stewart Christmas special. These prime time chestnuts are ripe for mocking so I turned it on while Husband was finishing dinner. I’m not normally susceptible to Martha-induced craziness, but at one point Martha looked into the camera and commanded, “If you’ve never seen the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center you simply must go.” My head whipped around and I heard myself intone, “Must…see…The Tree.”

Remember the Smile Time episode of Angel? It was like that, only Martha must have finished sucking the life-force out of all the children and moved on to me.

Smile Time

I’ve been obsessed with The Tree ever since. At any given moment, 5% of my brain is whirring away thinking about the tree.

Despite all of that scheming, there was just no way to get to New York before Christmas. Fortunately, the tree is up until January 7th and it’s ridiculously cheap to visit New York right now so we booked a room by The Tree (and, bonus, MoMa). This is good because I haven’t been feeling very well so I’m not sure how much I’ll really get to do once we get there.

On a related note, this was one of my favorite Anya moments on Buffy:

ANYA: Martha Stewart isn’t a demon. (to Buffy) She’s a witch.
XANDER: Please, she- (pauses) Really?
ANYA: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness. (Ep. 6.09, “Wrecked”)

Here’s the Smile Time trailer. It still makes me laugh:

I hit Martha’s site to link to the segment where Keith Olbermann makes triple chocolate pumpkin pie with Martha, but I immediately got derailed by this:

“Snoop Dogg and I Make Mom’s Mash-Potatoes”

I have to say that my life is very interesting and also kind of weird. I’m so fortunate in that I get to meet fascinating people. One day I’m presenting Maya Angelou with a Living Legend award and then I fly off to Miami and attend a Victoria’s Secret fashion show. And then yesterday, the multi-platinum rap artist, Snoop Dogg, appeared on my television show and taught me some of his very own language called Snoop-guistics. He and his posse add ‘izzles’ onto the ends of words. It’s kind of a code, or a way of communicating so that others won’t know what they’re talking about. Example: fo shizzle is how they say, for sure.

Snoop Dogg also shared –

Crack-a-lackin – means get something poppin
Chuuuch – means take God everywhere you go and everything will be all right
All hood – means good
Ball til ya fall – get as much money as you can before you die

Snoop Dogg is about to start the second season of his reality TV show, Father Hood on November 30th and he also wanted to share his Five Tips for Fatherhood.
1 – Know when to lie to your kids
2 – Know when to be mean and know when to be a friend
3 – Always stay in control
4 – Serve them juice but hold the gin
5 – When the kids give you attitude, pop ‘em like it’s hot

Bottom line – Keep your children respectful of their elders.

You have to watch the videos. Fantastic.

The whole segment went on for quite a while, there are a number of other videos embedded on Martha’s blog, including the actual cooking segment.

(sorry for all of the revisions, the typos in this post were legion)

I must blog about a recent Martha Stewart Show episode. It wasn’t just any episode, it was The Blogging Show, wherein she had guest bloggers blogging on their blogs throughout the show while the whole studio audience of bloggers blogged along on their laptops and Martha said the words blog, blogging and bloggers so many times that my giggles started to edge around on the borderlands of hysteria.

Actual Martha pronouncement at the top of the show, as she surveyed the studio audience: “What an array of laptops you all have!” It was delivered in her precise way, “What. An array. Of laptops. Youallhave.”

Oh, Martha, bless your soul. Prison may have mellowed you out, but it could never take away your clipped and awkward phrasing.

Martha had her two blog managers, her sister Laura and Elliot Laskin, in the audience. They were a’ bloggin’. She also had special guest bloggers strewn around the set, including Perez Hilton, to whom Martha demonstrated that she can pronounce Cuba properly.

Oh, Martha.

Martha and Perez told us how to become rich and famous with our blogs. Martha explained that “blog” comes from the words “web” and “log.” Martha gave the studio audience books that have been published from blogs, to taunt them as they toil in semi-obscurity, bloggity-blog-blogging their lives away.

Ben Smith and Jonathan Martin (Politico), Margaret Roach (A way to garden, Matt Armendariz (Matt Bites, and Deb Perelman (Smitten Kitchen also got down with their bad blog selves in little segments with Martha.

To be fair, Martha stated outright when she introduced Meg Frost (Cute Overload) that it was Meg’s site that drew huge traffic to Martha’s site and not the other way around. Then Martha baked Meg into a pie and fed her to the studio audience of hungry bloggers.

That last part but may not have really happened, my mind started to wander.

What I learned is this: blogging is now officially over. You may now go on about your day.

On a sidenote: Martha encouraged everyone to buy a Canon G9 to carry around with them all the time. I bought one at the beginning of the year and I really have a love/hate relationship with this camera. It’s an excellent camera, but I’m not sure I’d recommend that anyone buy one at this point unless you really want RAW files and manual controls, but still want a camera that’s a point and shoot and not an actual DSLR. It’s heavy and it’s very slow. The Powershot SD990 will be out soon and, if it’s anything like the previous powershots I’ve owned, it will blow the G9 out of the water in terms of speed and size. Don’t get me wrong, I like my camera, but for candid snaps? Not the best.

I’m devastated to learn that Paw Paw has gone to the great dog park in the sky. It broke my heart when I heard, and reading [tag]Martha[/tag]’s blog post and looking at the pictures made me sad all over again. The picture of Francesca and Sharkey paying their last respects to [tag]Paw Paw[/tag] at the burial ceremony wrecked me all over again.

Goodbye, Paw Paw.

We just got around to watching an ep of [tag]Martha[/tag] that I Tivo’d Thursday I was distraught to learn that Martha’s mom had a stroke and was (is still?) in the hospital. Husband was a bit concerned by how upset I got, but it’s Martha’s Mom! She’s feisty! Get well, Martha’s Mom!

We haven’t been watching much Martha lately, but we’d saved this one because it featured cheeses from [tag]Cowgirl Creamery[/tag] and I thought she was going to be visiting the DC store. She didn’t, but it was a nice segment anyway.

They carry some Cowgirl Creamery cheeses at the [tag]Cheesetique[/tag], which is very convenient (for us).