Many weird things happen to me, for I am a powerful Freak Magnet. But my magnetism is by and large limited to people. Faith’s magnetism is far mightier. It is one of the known Laws of the Universe that no matter how strange my life gets, Faith’s will always be stranger.
Apparently, her magnetism also includes weird accidents in any and all modes of transportation. Most recently, she was on a train that hit a cow. Trains do indeed hit cows, but the odds of someone who rarely leaves Manhattan being on a train that hits a cow would seem to be pretty slim. Unless that person is Faith.
I called my therapist from the train and she basically told me to (1) get a Jewish exorcism and (2) get a sense of humor about it.
Thanks for the help. Go find a Jewish exorcist for me now, will ya? ;)
I believe this can be arranged. Let me get back to you :-)
I knew I had a bibliography bookmarker on Jewish Liturgical Exorcism (but who doesn’t?) http://faculty.biu.ac.il/~barilm/bibexorc.html
But we need to find someone who will perform the rites, but not the rituals where the possessed had to drink bitter potions to expel the demons. Let’s find someone with a gentler method.
I just knew that if anyone had such info….. It’s passed on to my therapist who will inevitably ask me how I know someone who could come up with such stuff so quickly, and then, you know the whole story that will follow.
We never did find out what happened to the cow. And I wasn’t the only one who noticed all this family cows standing around staring at the train for an hour as if we were to blame. I’m sort of afraid of the cows now. I’m glad I eat them for dinner.
You know… I went through a period where I had a series of motorcycle accidents and other weird goings on while living in SE Asia. One friend brought me to some magic healer guy in Indonesia, who insisted I needed to wear a stone of a particular color with an X on it. I had it set into a ring back home in Cambodia. He also said I needed to get exorcised, and suggested the I’d been cursed by my ex-mother-in-law from China. He said it had to be a Chinese exorcism. Then all my friends gave me charms to ward off evil for my birthday and I went out on a long motorcycle trip that ended when I was hit by a car, totalling the bike, that I walked away from with minor spinal injuries. weeeeird. The weird accident things seemed to end after that.
Not that there’s a solution in there or anything, and being on a train that hits a cow when you rarely leave Manhattan is uncanny.
Maybe you need an evil eye charm? I have one from Jerusalem here somewhere. I’ll have to see if I can find it….
I bought an amythest necklace from a Navajo woman in Albuquerque. Think that’ll work?