have i ever mentioned….

…that my mom gets up at 5 am? I thought that’s when you were supposed to go to your nice warm bed, not get out of it. Yeesh.

Merry Christmas. Now please let me go back to bed.

Yesterday we came home and found, sitting in the sun, a large box. The box was labelled “fresh ground beef from washington state.” At first we couldn’t figure out who was trying to bump us off, but (happily) it turned out to be a box of Christmas Treasure from archie mcphee. I wonder how many boxes of McPhee treasure have inadvertantly been destroyed since the mad cow mania hit (again)?

Do you ever go through your bookmarks and wonder just what the hell you were thinking?*

For example, I opened a folder marked “goats.” In it, I found a bookmark for the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival, which is held every year during the first weekend in May. I haven’t been there in years.

Next was the Maryland Small Ruminant Page, a handy bookmark if ever there was one. The last bookmark was for Purina’s GoatChow page (goatnutrition.com).

On a (goat) related note, this year as a special gift to all our friends and family, we donated a goat through heifer international (with profuse apologies to the vegetarians). Mostly because I couldn’t stop saying, “Give the gift of a goat!” but also because it seemed like a nice thing to do. And giving a pig seemed like it had potential to be, um, problematic, seeing as this was a Hanukkah/Christmas type gift.

*small digression: While Dr. Noodles was on sabbatical last year I had great fun creating mysterious files of bookmarks on his computer (my favorite was “porkrinds, microwaveable.”) Somehow, I suspect that the bookmarks I just found were actually my own doing, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still looking for someone to blame.

First off, thanks for all of the welcome back messages. The emails, I got. I forgot to set the comments to be emailed to me, however, and I had no idea there was a party going on in my comments until just now. Eeek. Sorry. I wasn’t ignoring you, I swear. Not on purpose, anyway.

Really, it’s best that my blog was broken for a while. Lacking energy for ranting, it’s just best that there was no outlet for my potential psychotic outbursts about any or all of the following: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, people on the Metro who talk about “poor Kobe” like they not only know the man but were in the hotel room with them that night, Michael Jackson, the war, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, or, Michael Jackson. Also that I’m an airhead and missed Tru Calling, my new favorite show, last week.

I know I promised to get my blog all spiffy again this week, but when I realized I would probably have to re-categorize all the old posts…well, I briefly lost momentum. Plus, it’s been one of those weeks, a real 4 funerals and a wedding week.

Well, the wedding may not actually count. See, as an ordained minister (really) I occassionally get bummed out that there’s not a lot of demand for me to perform weddings. This may be because most people don’t know I’m an ordained minister, but that’s beside the point. To keep my wedding chops, I perform weddings in the office now and again. Today, my apple married a co-workers tangerine. Then we ate them.

But I digress into silliness yet again.

I feel guilty for not going with Husband to Ty’s funeral tonight, but I just…couldn’t. I did want to repost the message on the funk dc site:


Greetings to you all.

This passed week has been a very sad week for the Washington DC music scene and community. A good friend of the city named Tymon Birchett also known as “Tymex” was found Tuesday the 9th of December in a duffel bag in his Northwest Washington apartment. Apparently, he was beaten and strangled said the D.C. medical examiner’s office. His death was classified as a homicide. No arrests have been made as of yet.

If there is anyone that might have some info on this tragic happening, please contact the Distrct 2D Homidcide #, 202-282-0043.

Anyone who knew or met Tymex very easily knew what kind of an individual he was. He was all about the scene, the music, and the good vibes. There wasn’t a time when he would shoot anyone a bad look or or bad vibe. It was always cool runnings with him. I extend my heartfelt condolences to his family and anyone who knew him closely.

Rest in Peace Tymex.

I can’t imagine anyone reading this page has any info for the cops, but you never know where a lead will come from…

Posted by skarlet at December 18, 2003 08:49 PM | TrackBack

Retroactive psychotic outbursts are just fine. Besides, Jackson was formally charged just today, so you still have time.
Posted by: Linkmeister at December 19, 2003 02:56 AM

*makes unintelligible remarks of disbelief and deep disturbence*

I can’t even talk about Michael Jackson. Each time they show that mug shot I only get more and more freaked out by him. He is such a…a… I dunno, we need to start using the same descriptions we use for mythological creatures…

If you eat the fruit you’ve married how will it have a chance to go forth and multiply?
Posted by: batgrl at December 19, 2003 03:48 AM

I can’t believe this about Tymex. I didn’t know. I used to see him and talk to him all the time when I’d hang at the front desk of the dorms. Such a cool sweet guy – he got a mix CD for me once and I’m not even sure he knew my name.

Michael Jackson is just. .. fuckin creepy.

Glad to see you back and ranting skarlet.
Posted by: Mona at December 19, 2003 03:52 PM

She’s baaaack! Skarlet has truly returned, my friends!
Posted by: JeanNINE at December 23, 2003 04:54 PM

We’re back from our Icelandic adventures with Samer. I’ve forgiven him for shoving me on the plane instead of letting me declare asylum in Iceland because he fixed whatever I broke on my blog and now I can post again.

The caller wanted to know if one needed to be a full-fledged cheese professional to join the American Cheese Society. He was so sincere. Rather than politely explain he had the wrong number, I decided to investigate the matter for him.

I am pleased to report that one does not need to be a cheese professional to join the American Cheese Society. In fact, one does not even need to be a cheese apprentice, one may merely be a cheese Enthusiast, to join the ranks of these (presumably) fine and dedicated dairy folk.

I would like self-restraint points for not doing any of the following: mocking the caller, telling the caller he had the wrong number and hanging up, and last, but possibly most importantly, not secretly signing up anyone I know to the American Cheese Society. (and don’t you people be getting any ideas yourselves)

I got up at 4:30 this morning because the next President of the United States of America and I were going to go on a little roadtrip. Except when I got to the pickup point, I couldn’t find him.

I was, needless to say, a little worried. Periodically, I called my voicemail to see if I had any messages.

5:45 no messages
6:00 no messages, no Congressman
6:15 no messages, no Congressman
6:30 3 new messages

Thank you, AT&T, for holding my messages hostage and letting me think (for what felt like an eternity) that I’d left a perfectly good Presidential candidate stranded somewhere.

The downside: I didn’t get to spend a lot of quality time with Dennis this morning.

The upside: I got to work really, really early. And I won’t be punished severly for misplacing Dennis Kucinich, it wasn’t my fault at all we were in two different cities. (Really, it wasn’t my fault!)

Back in high school, my friend’s older brother was just getting his start as a TV news reporter. This meant he got the shit assignments on the local network.

“Reporting live from inside a cage at the dogpound, I’m…Jonathan Serrie.”

“Reporting live while strapped to the front of a Buick to see what it’s like to be a lovebug, I’m…Jonathan Serrie.”

My favorite moments were when he was dispatched to show us just how windy it was on the beach during a hurricane. I mean, I felt sorry for him, but it was always fun to see how well he could keep his cool while being hit by punishing winds, knowing his producer was safe and dry back at the station.

Well, he’s come a long way since then, reporting on wars, famines, and other Important stuff. But 15 years just melted right away for me when I clicked on the fox news network and there he was, Jonathan Serrie, reporting live from the hurricane.

It was just like old times, watching the poor guy get blown on his ass by windgusts as he tried to yell to the camera, which was being whipped every which way by the wind and not capturing much of what he was trying to say anyway.

Good times, indeed.

I’ve been inhabiting my own narrow little universe for so long that I’d forgotten just how great I shoot with my mind and xkot’s blog are.

You should pity poor Husband, for he is an Eagles fan. His Eagles played the World Champion, Master’s of the Universe, Greatest Team Ever Tamp Bay Bucslast night. And they got their butts kicked.

He sent me to bed early in the second quarter because I couldn’t stop intoning “World Champion, Master’s of the Universe, Greatest Team Ever” everytime the Bucs did anything, to include, but not be limited to: passing, kicking, tackling, breathing, standing, sitting, running, or appearing onscreen. Consequently, he pretty much couldn’t hear the announcers at all. (Personally, I think he should have considered that a blessing, cause I think they were drunk right out of the gate last night).

In other news, I’m trying to trick my friend into subbing for me because I have to teach a bunch of non-math majors logarithms and, truth be told, I’m very bad at teaching math. That’s a bad thing in a so-called physics professor, why do you think I tell people I’m an athropologist? She’s not falling for it, so I’m on my own. Here’s my lecture so far:

“They’re exponential and they make big numbers manageable and why do you think we have calculators?”

That works well enough for me.

(I’m kidding of course, I will teach them logarithms and turn them into the greatest mathematicians the world has ever seen).

Did I mention that the Bucs handed the Eagles their asses on a plate last night? I did? Just checking. I wanted to be sure, because they are, as you know, the World Champion, Master’s of the Universe, Greatest Team Ever.