Tag Archives: homeowner

Neeson Season

As soon as I opened wordpress to post Liam Neeson: The Musical, our boiler made a terrible shrieking sound. An additional dose of oil seems to have placated it (for now) but it’s 12 degrees and I’m a little nervous.

This wouldn’t be the first time Liam Neeson has menaced our furnace on a cold night in February. See also: Wrath of the Titans (Or, this movie sucks so much it will break your furnace).

I’ve been trying to update my theme and redesign the site, but it hasn’t been going terribly well. If my blog breaks over the next few days, I plan to blame Neeson. Or call him to rescue me. One of those.

Environmentally Friendly Insulation

Lotus has a post up today about ways her family is trying to reduce the amount of excess crud in their lives. It’s part of a project she’s initiated called “Support Beauty in Nature Day”.

In the spirit of environmentally friendly and sustainable products, I thought I’d share the latest findings from our post-squirrel debacle quest to have our attic insulated.*

Our attic is also a storage area, so having fiberglass or other similar loose insulation blown in, which would be unsettled each time we or the next owners of the house go up there, is out of the question as far as I’m concerned. Plus, we’d much rather use a recycled or environmentally friendly product if we can.

Wool seems to be my leading choice right now. The U.K.’s Second Nature (makers of ThermaFleece insulation) has a very informative website, and I haven’t found the information they supply contradicted in any other sources, so although I’m loath to rely on a producer’s claims about a product, this seems trustworthy. (And easy to link to, I’m lazy today).

Manufacturers of fiberglass insulation always tell me wool is only available in Europe and is an inferior material. Not so on either count. You can get wool in the U.S. if you purchase it from Good Shepherd Wool in Canada.

Bonded Logic’s Ultratouch, which is insulation made from recycled denim, is appealing, but I must admit to being biased. We love sheep. If the City won’t let me keep them, I can at least stuff my attic with their wool!

There are lots of other recycled or organic materials being tested or used as home insulators. Recycled cellulose is popular, but trips that base instinct in my brain that makes it impossible for me to look at the stuff as anything less than an inferno waiting to happen. Although cellulose insulation is treated with a soup of fire-retardant chemicals to minimize (but not eliminate) it’s flammability, that’s not a real selling point – that just means it’s back to being a product that requires a lot of chemicals in manufacturing. Plus it’s then another potential indoor-pollutant.

Soy husks and mushrooms specially grown to be insulation bricks are also recent developments, but not ones I’m particularly interested in.

Best headline: “Mushroom insulation is no hallucination.”

We haven’t made any decisions yet. I’m sure we’ll use commercial, fiberglass insulation in the walls when we have the bathroom renovated, I must admit that for that particular project it’s the path of least resistance and that makes it most attractive because I’ve like to see that bathroom get renovated in my lifetime.

There are more options every day and research into products like this is difficult and tedious, but not any more tedious than parsing the claims made by producers of fiberglass or rock-wool insulation materials.

*It only takes squirrels a few days to do thousands of dollars in damage to your attic, so if you think it’s romantic and cute to have critters in your attic, think again.

Renovation as a competitive sport

None of the specimens identified in this post represent any of our neighbors (that I am aware of).

Think it’s safe to casually mention to other people that you bought a new dishwasher or are having your kitchen counters replaced? Oh, hell no. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’re about to discover just how psychotic some of your friends, family or coworkers really are. These people are The Competitive Renovators.

Competitive Renovators tell you what a huge mistake you’ve made. They don’t even need to know what you’ve done to your home. Trust them, you chose the wrong brand, contractor, supplier or materials.

There are 4 types of Competitive Renovators. You need to be prepared to spot them and neutralize them immediately or they will drive you insane.

The Vicarious Renovator, or VR, used to be fairly easy to deal with. You stayed clear of their collection of Architectural Digest magazines and their boxed sets of This Old House and you were golden.

HGTV has changed all that. Now VRs are conversant in home improvement and interior design. VRs have neither the water feature nor the faux brick wall in their own home, but that doesn’t stop them from harping on endlessly about how badly your own place needs these things.

If you buy new throw pillows, you can be assured that the VR will pick one of them up, hold it up to a wall, the curtains, the dog, or whatever else is close at hand. After scrutinizing the object with one eye shut, the VR will ask where you bought said pillow. My advice is to lie. No matter where you got it, say it came from the VR’s favorite store.

To gain this knowledge you may have to root through the mail of everyone you know and memorize the mailing lists they’re on, but it’s worth the effort. You can try keeping a little database on your blackberry or iphone, but you have to remember to review it periodically or it will do you no good.

The VR, it should be noted, often lives in an apartment, so they never really have to put up or shut up.

Trendy Renovators are often couples with young children. They replaced all of their perfectly good kitchen appliances with stainless steel a few years ago and has been trying to subtly buff scratches and wipe baby smudges off when you aren’t looking ever since. TRs are very bitter and want to lead you down a similar foolish path just so they can feel better.

The best way to neutralize TRs is to be very coy about your project and, no matter what stage you’re at or what the project is, tell them that you’re still interviewing designers. Offer no names. Act like this is Top Secret information. Wink, or at least bob your head in a knowing fashion as you say this.

Then distract them by asking how that glass vessel sink is working out in the kid’s bathroom.

Smug and Informed Renovators, or SIRS, can easily be distinguished from TRs. SIRs rarely do any home improvement themselves, but if they were to renovate, they know exactly what they would do. Until someone else does it. Then they would do some other thing.

SIRs tend to buy new or already-renovated properties so that they may bask in the good features (industrial-strength vent hood) and blame others for the bad ones (broken whirlpool tub).

These are the people who have decided that everyone else (i.e., you) is a moron. Rest assured that no matter what item, process or material you choose, it will be the wrong one. Often, you are related to these people by marriage. Your best defense is to never allow them into your home, ever.

Last, but certainly not least, are the Renovation Olympians. ROs have plans, tools, and know-how. The RO doesn’t renovate, restore or repair, the RO conquers.

Fortunately, ROs rarely bothers you – they’re usually too busy hand-carving their new roof tiles out of reclaimed teak from a salvaged pirate ship off the coast of Spain. Unless you nurtured the silkworms, spun the silk, wove the fabric, and designed and sewed your new living room curtains all by yourself, the RO is not interested in seeing them.

ROs tend to sell their home and move as soon as they’ve reached a state of perfection. My advice is to locate the RO in your neighborhood and let them know you want first crack at the place if they should ever decide to sell. This is the path of least resistance.