I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket today and I humbly apologize for any lasting damage I may have done to you or your loved ones who may have been watching TV today.

The FCC held their meeting, held their vote, and attempted to doom democracy in one fell swoop.

Code Pink, a women’s peace group, tried to disrupt the FCC vote singing “Mass deregulation of the mass communication is the end of democracy.” They were escorted from the commission meeting room by police.

Commissioners Copps and Adelstein (who are now proud owners of both Code Pink buttons and Code Pink Freedom Awards) gave brilliant speechs, but the vote was still 3-2. The rules on consolidation will be relaxed and soon television and the papers and the internet will go the homogenized way of commercial radio.

I have a lot to say about this vote, but not right now. Right now, I need to have a tantrum, a tantrum that has been building all weekend. I was mildly annoyed about it at the teach-in. I was outwardly cranky by the time Chomsky’s speech rolled around. I’ve now, officially, had it.

You know how when you love something so much you see it’s flaws tenfold? That’s the way I feel right now about liberal activists. More specifically, liberal activists and their damned flyers. I’m sorry, and I know this is going to make some people angry, but I have to say it.

Here’s a quiz people. Pay attention.

Question 1: I’m standing in the middle of a press conference. Jesse Jackson is speaking. There are 2 Congresswomen and 2 FCC commissioners standing around me. Is this:

a) a good time to hand me a flyer?
b) a bad time to hand me a flyer?

Question 2: I’m talking to a reporter on camera. Is this:

a) a good time to hand me a flyer?
b) a bad time to hand me a flyer?

Let me give you a hint: B. The answer will always be B.

It’s really the worst possible time to hand me a flyer and try to talk to me. Do not try to hand me your fucking flyer while the cameras are running and the soundbites are flying.

In fact, do not hand me a flyer ever again. Ever. Do you hear me? Ever.

EVER.

I will light your flyer on fire and burn it right in front of you.

If I do not have a lighter I will fold it into a paper airplane and fly it into the trashcan. Possibly, while singing. That would teach you a lesson.

I do not want your flyer.

I will compost it, crumple it, dissolve it in acid.

Do not hand me your flyers.

I do not care if you have been named God’s emmisary and you have flyers announcing that the world will be ending in 10 minutes. I do not want your flyer. In fact, in that case, we’ll all be apprised of the apocalyptic situation soon enough so why spoil the surprise!

Do not hand me your flyers. I am now officially a flyer free zone. Do you hear me? A FLYER FREE ZONE.

There. I feel better now.