I’m not one to make light of torture, but I have to say that I think that putting squirrels in someone’s attic has to be added to the inventories of recognized forms of torture. And if the chattering and screaming and the thumping and the scurrying aren’t enough to drive you to confess to any number of crimes just to make the torment stop, you can go online and read about just how much damage squirrels can do to your house.

I know why people buy condos.

To try to distract myself from the Rodent Rodeo in the attic while the Trained Rodent Removal Team works to solve the problem, I’ve actually been catching up on my email. A whole bunch of people sent me this beauty: a recut version of Mary Poppins as a horror movie, Scary Mary. Genius.