An Uncharted Solar System in the Vast Regions of Outer Space
You know it’s outer space because there’s a synthesizer soundtrack and a council of judgmental-looking space people wearing polyester.
The Council of Planets convene to address the Earth problem.
“They always call themselves human, but they are not.” Small step from nuclear power to space travel. Primitive war monkeys. Etc.
This episode is a nice little artifact of the paranoia about the United Nations that began to manifest itself in popular culture in the late 1970s.
The Council of Planets sends Andros to judge the Earthlings and decide their fate.
For the record: the 1st Atomic weapons test, Trinity, was on July 16, 1945. The first nuclear power plant became operational in June 1954. We still haven’t colonized space. The judgey space council people are jumping the gun a little bit here.
Washington D.C. September 1942
A space craft lands in Northern Virginia.
HOW IS IT STILL SEPTEMBER 1942?
War Department – 0730 HRS The Following Morning
Yeoman Diana Prince (Lynda Carter) handles phone calls about the Unidentified Flying Object landing in Northern Virginia.
Sweet Cheezits. The term Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) was coined by the US Air Force in 1953. Just a tiny bit of historical accuracy – is that too much to ask for?
Diana tells Major Steve Trevor (Lyle Waggoner) that it’s officially classified as a “meteor.”
A Wooded Area in the Hills of Virginia
The Army searches for the UFO while Diana and Steve hang out.
Andros emerges from the woods. He says he’s a visitor from outer space who observes Earth on behalf of the Council of Planets. Earth has been his beat since the Neolithic. He doesn’t actually call anyone a war monkey, I made that up.
Husband believes that they’re intimidated by his Run DMC-level of accessorizing.
Diana saunters into the woods and spins into Wonder Woman. It’s a national security situation yet no one seems to notice that Diana disappears and Wonder Woman appears. She just happens to be in the neighborhood. Again.
Andros freezes the soldiers with his mind. When he unfreezes them, a soldier throws a grenade, but Andros contains the blast in his hands.
Andros wants to meet with world leaders. Everyone is skeptical of this weird alien scientist guy. Then weird alien scientist guy neutralizes a grenade right in front of them. Their reaction?
Sold! You can definitely hang out with us at the War Department, Mr. Potentially Dangerous Space Scientist Alien Guy!
Fort Russell Army Base
A soldier tells Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman (Scott Hylands) about the alien scientist.
Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman, immediately calls…Nazi Headquarters in Germany. Because he’s actually: Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman/Nazi Spy
That sure escalated fast.
The Nazis want a Potentially Dangerous Alien Space Scientist of their own. I mean, who doesn’t?
Washington, D.C. The Following day
General Blankenship (Richard Eastham) and Steve explain to Andros that he needs to demonstrate his powers before he’ll be allowed to meet the President.
The thing with the grenade wasn’t good enough?
Andros quotes his old pal Socrates in classical Greek. Diana also speaks Greek.
Andros is going to stay in a secret safe house, because that’s worked out so well for everyone else who’s stayed there. (Watch out for giant gorillas, Andros!)
Outside the guesthouse, Steve and Andros are ambushed…by Nazis.
Diana ducks away, spins into Wonder Woman, and saves Steve’s sorry hide with her bullet-deflecting bracelets. She claims she “heard sounds” and investigated. Good thing, since Diana seems to have wandered off again. Now where could Diana be?
Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman/Nazi Spy is also there, although I spaced out for a minute and don’t know why.
Andros is a major-league name dropper. Abe Lincoln. Socrates. Diana digs it, but honestly, it’s a bit much, pal.
Andros uses his mind-control clock-radio-necklace to freeze Steve Trevor, Alleged War Hero, and Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman/Nazi Spy. Andros ditches them; Diana nods her approval.
Andros knows Diana is Wonder Woman, because he’s not an idiot.
At the War Department : Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman/Nazi Spy knows flattery gets you everywhere with General Blankenship, so they go spend a little quality time in the General’s office.
Diana suggests that Steve alert the Civil Defense since he’s so upset Andros gave them the slip. It’s still 1942 and I’m fairly certain the term in common use was “civilian defense” until after 1943. I don’t know why I care – it’s a show about an Amazon in satin undies protecting a space ambassador and fighting Nazis while working for an idiot who is allegedly a war hero. And yet. I only ask for scraps.
Steve empowers Diana to do whatever she wants so she goes to the Lincoln Memorial (as Wonder Woman) to find Andros. It’s a special occasion, so she wears her cape.
Andros can control the weather, which he demonstrates for Wonder Woman. He causes a solar eclipse, which is weird because an eclipse is not weather and also it’s nighttime so that doesn’t make any sense at all, but Wonder Woman eats it up.
At the War Department: Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman/Nazi Spy tries to bribe the General’s secretary Etta Candy (Beatrice Colen), but she has morals. She does give him her phone number, though, because she also has needs.
At the Aberdeen Proving Grounds: Andros blows up a shed…with lightning. Steve, the General, and Wonder Woman are duly impressed.
Andros says the Council of Planets is concerned earthlings will swarm into space and wreck the place like they’ve wrecked earth.
That’s fair. I’m gonna to give him that one.
In Washington Andros Meets the President as Wonder Woman and Many Others Wait. The Planet of Councils spy on Wonder Woman as she hangs out in the Rose Garden in her sparkly cape and optional skirt.
At the War Department: Steve and the General fret. The President orders the General to assemble a Strike Force.
Outside, Wonder Woman and Andros stroll and chat.
She tells him that the Amazons live outside of time, close to the ancient natural order of things on Paradise Island, which has perfect harmony. She pleads with Andros to give humans a chance.
Andros allows Wonder Woman to use her golden lasso on him. To make sure he’s telling the truth. This time. (Spoiler alert: things seem to go a bit farther in the next episode).
Oh, and he also tells her he has to check in to his spaceship every 3 days or he’ll get in big trouble and the Council will reduce the earth to a smoking cinder, so maybe don’t let anyone lock him up anywhere or kill him because he’s the only one who can open the space ship door, with his special whistle, which he demonstrates for her.
At the War Department: Diana tells Steve off when she finds out he and the General are making plans to assassinate Andros.
Steve sends Diana to the Library of Congress to keep an eye on Andros. Husband DJed at the Library of Congress recently (really!) – this shooting location isn’t it.
Bjornson and the Nazis attack!
Diana spins into Wonder Woman.
Wonder Woman leaps over the bookcases instead of walking 5 feet down the center aisle. Those sound effects aren’t going to use themselves, people!
Wonder Woman knocks down the stacks like dominos, crushing books and then walking on them. Librarians around the world cry out and then go silent. The Nazis are undeterred.
The Nazis gas Wonder Woman!
In Outer Space, the space council is getting fussy. They want to rid the earth of the human disease. For a bunch of aliens who claim to want to keep the peace, the Council sure is filled with trigger-happy assholes. The council deactivates the power-thing Andros wears around his neck, which seems like a questionable move.
At the Library of Congress: Paul Bjornson, Swedish Newspaperman/Nazi Spy grabs Andros and runs.
At the War Department: Steve learns that Paul Bjornson is a Nazi.
Wonder Woman cures herself from the effects of the poison gas. Weakened but determined, Wonder Woman goes to the spacecraft in Northern Virginia.
The Army has been looking for this spacecraft for the entire episode. It’s the big silver pulsating space disc sitting in the same Northern Virginia park Andros landed in 2 days ago. Where they first met him. At the landing site. In the park. In Northern Virginia. 2 days ago. Right there. Where he left it. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it was sometime in September of 1942.
Even if Andros erased their memories, they actually have the location marked on a map on Steve’s office wall:
Instead of using voice mimicry, Wonder Woman uses whistle mimicry to open the spaceship door.
I still think this is a weird ability.
It lets her in, but..
Has Wonder Woman activated the satellite destruction device? Is Wonder Woman going to cheat on Gargantua with Andros? What the fuck is the story with the voice mimicry? Why is it still September 1942? Stay tuned for the answers to a couple of these questions in part 2 of “Judgement from Outer Space.”
This episode contains:
Bullets and Bracelet
Eclipse (Not Technically Weather)