Welcome back to the second part of “Judgment from Outer Space,” in which Wonder Woman must rescue an alien ambassador…from the Nazis.
We cannot get to the 2nd season and that sweet, sweet time-jump to the 1970s soon enough.
After the title sequence, Lynda Carter introduces us to the “previously on” montage, which goes on for an awfully long time and bolsters our opinion that this didn’t need to be a 2-parter. I’m not going to summarize it, mostly because you can just read the previous post and also because we were pretty busy mocking the Council’s space-attire and I didn’t take any notes.
We open with Wonder Woman in the space-ship, which she mimic-whistled her way into at the end of the last episode.
There are invisible force-field barriers in this episode. Invisible force-field barriers attract mime action like nobody’s business.
In the spaceship, Wonder Woman pretends to use her strength against an invisible barrier but fails to break through. I’m not sure whose failure we’re watching. The actor? Or the director? I think it’s a group effort. Either way it’s pretty bad. You feel embarrassed for the actor – that sort of empathy-embarrassment like when you laugh at a weird thing your pet who hasn’t been the same since he was hit by lightning does.
In Outer Space, taupe has conquered the Universe.
The War Department Washington D.C. Two Weeks After the Abduction of Andros.
General Blankenship is on the phone with President Roosevelt. After he hangs up, he informs Steve Trevor, America’s worst spy, that the British think Andros might be a prisoner at Schloss-Markham, the Secret Nazi Interrogation Center in Germany.
Schloss Markheim Interrogation Center in Germany.
Andros is indeed there.
Is is still September 1942? Is it always September 1942?
If David Lynch made a show where many months of story-time elapses but it’s always September 1942, he’d be hailed as a genius. On a related note: is there anything more boring than Showtime’s return to Twin Peaks?
No. No there is not.
It’s good to see we’re all in agreement.
Let’s move on.
London – British Intelligence.
Steve meets Evan Mallory, the Welsh secret agent who will smuggle Steve into Schloss Markheim.
Steve and the head of British intelligence engage in some pointedly anti-Welsh dialogue in front of Mallory, while Mallory stands there looking aggrieved. The British guy calls the Welsh “madmen” and suggests that’s why Mallory passes so well for a Nazi when he’s undercover. Really. And now they’re going to expect this man to keep Steve alive in Nazi territory?
On a related note: How is Steve Trevor still alive? Seriously. How did he survive long enough to even become Wonder Woman’s mansel in the first place?
Meanwhile, Back in Washington D.C..
Etta invites Diana on a beach weekend, but Diana tells her she’s going hunting. Hunting? Etta is properly perplexed. Diana assures her she’s not going hunting to hunt anything, but rather to find something. I guess technically that’s hunting, but maybe she should say she’s going “looking.”
Wonder Woman flies to Germany in her Invisible Jet. We love the inflight Brazilian jazz Wonder Woman relaxes to as she jets around the world.
Steve and Mallory parachute into Germany.
In the Schloss Markheim Laboratory, Bjornson sends Lisa the pretty fräulein to seduce him and learn all of his alien science secrets.
After Andros conducts an emergency therapy session/intervention Lisa runs away to question all of her life choices.
The leader of the Council contacts Andros, but Andros refuses to leave.
Wonder Woman breaks down the door to rescue Andros, but he refuses to leave with her.
The Nazis capture Wonder Woman. Again.
Bjornson the Nazi thinks the whole spaceman gimmick is a cover and Andros is just an American atomic scientist. He confiscates Wonder Woman’s power belt, which he believes Andros created using “scientific processing” to give her superpowers.
Andros is feisty, but his critique lack proportionality. Wonder Woman is skeptical when he equates American internment camps with Nazi concentration camps.
Steve and Mallory Arrive at Schloss Markheim
Steve’s cover is blown immediately because he’s Steve.
Bjornson the Nazi marches Steve, Wonder Woman and Andros 100 meters below the mountain for a little light torture.
Well, they don’t actually torture Wonder Woman or Andros, but there’s a lot of monologuing that’s a bit tortuous for the viewer.
Oh my gods and goddesses, this episode is a cavalcade of bad accents. Hollywood German. Hollywood Swedish. Hollywood Welsh. Hollywood British.
It would be more hilarious if it wasn’t dragging out across 2 episodes.
At least Andros finally realizes that Nazis are really bad guys.
The Council randomly calls in for a few minutes. It doesn’t make sense because Andros may or may not be the only one who sees them or maybe they freeze everyone but Andros or I don’t really know, but it distracts the Nazis long enough for Wonder Woman to grab her gear.
Wonder Woman and Andros make a run for it.
By “run for it” I mean “hide in a storage room and make googly eyes at one another.” Wonder Woman places her hand on his chest and he clasps her hand. It’s a surprisingly risque close-up for this show.
Steve and Mallory lead the Nazis on a wacky chase scene, eventually re-uniting with Wonder Woman and Andros after they finish doing whatever they were doing in the broom closet.
Wonder Woman knocks the Nazis down.
Lisa, newly liberated maybe-ex-Nazi fräulein, tells Andros she’s going to help him escape. She actually says “I don’t care what happens to the rest of you,” which I found to be a refreshing bit of honesty.
Andros, Steve, Wonder Woman and Mallory are cornered, so Andros calls the Council and pleads his case. Wonder Woman is the hope of the human race! And maybe the world!
The Council gives Andros his power back and everyone escapes.
I have no idea what happens to Lisa.
Several Days Later
Andros makes a weird and confusing speech about how humankind is flawed, destructive and plagued with “the disease of racial childhood.”
What does that mean?
Andros assured the Council that Wonder Woman will be a positive influence so they gave Earth a 50 year reprieve.
But then Andros invites her to leave Earth and travel with him in a series of adventures through time and space in a pitch that in no way resembles Doctor Who.
Not to put too fine a point on this, but: wouldn’t that violate the deal he just made with the Council which hinges on her hanging around Earth and being all peace-making?
Andros threatens her with some light stalking and informs Wonder Woman he’ll be back in 1992 to renew his Doctor Who offer. The character of Andros does in fact show back up in the 1970s and he’s played by another actor, so we’ll save the rest of the Doctor Who jokes for later.
Andros flies away.
Hey! It’s stock footage cherry blossom season in D.C.
Cherry blossom season is actually in March/April.
Apparently, during World War II it was always both September and cherry blossom season in Washington, D.C.
Back at the War Department.
Steve is jealous because he saw the way Andros looked at Wonder Woman, but Diana assures him that Wonder Woman would much rather be in D.C. with Steve, because Wonder Woman prefers her men young and stupid.
This episode contains: