Category Archives: television

The perils of unwomanly behavior: “Wonder Woman Meets Baroness Von Gunther” (1.2)

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Five months after they aired the (re)pilot, ABC added Wonder Woman to their primetime lineup. Lynda Carter returned as Diana Prince/Wonder Woman and Lyle Waggoner carried on as Major Steve Trevor, War Hero. The role of General Blankenship, Steve’s boss at the War Department, is now played by Richard Eastham. The General’s secretary, Etta Candy (Beatrice Colen), rounds out the cast. These four characters anchor the rest of first season, which is set in 1942. 1942 is also the number of times it seems like Steve Trevor is knocked unconscious in the 1st season.

“Wonder Woman Meets Baroness Von Gunther” (1.2) was written by Washington, D.C, native Margaret Armen, whose previous writing credits include Star Trek, Land of the Lost, The Bionic Woman, the Six Million Dollar Man, and Fantasy Island. Armen was a worthy cheesemonger for the first regular episode of the fledgling series, which gives viewers their first (and last) look at Wonder Woman’s comic book frenemy Baroness Paula Von Gunther.

In the comics, Wonder Woman helps the Baroness see the error of her ways. In return the Baroness attains Amazon powers and a place in the sisterhood as the Amazon’s chief scientist. If by “sees the error of her ways” you mean “was possibly brainwashed depending on which storyline you’re reading.” It doesn’t really matter, since the nefarious TV Baroness is not a recurring character and we don’t see her again in the series.

When I saw the Wonder Woman (2017) movie, I realized I’d conflated Dr. Poison and the Baroness, whose face was also scarred during one storyline in the comics, although not on the TV show.

The episode begins at the War Department, where General Blankenship tells Diana Prince he thinks a busted-up Nazi spy ring is trying to get the band back together to frame Steve Trevor for espionage.

Nazi spies! In D.C.!

Aghast, Diana dashes into her office, spins into Wonder Woman, stashes her clothes, and races out to find Steve Trevor, who is out on a canyon road near Fort Myer in Arlington, Virginia. The Washington, D.C. area is hilly, but it is not mountainous, and we certainly don’t have any canyons. I showed scenes from this episode to a friend who works at the base. She enjoyed it a lot. The Los Angeles-area shooting locations are pretty obvious in this episode.

Out in the canyon, Steve has one job: protect a truck delivering weapons to Fort Myer. Steve fails, although Wonder Woman arrives just in time to save his sorry hide.

Was it an act of sabotage? Is someone trying to frame Great American War Hero Steve Trevor as a Nazi Spy?

This isn’t the first suspicious accident Steve has been connected with and rumors are flying. Probably also rumors about why this guy has a reputation as such a great hero and spy, because seriously?

To make matters worse, the files Steve Trevor needs to prove his innocence are all missing! Considering the number of times Diana Prince types something and then shoves the papers randomly into a file cabinet drawer without looking, this shouldn’t be a mystery. Diana may have the wisdom of Athena and the speed of Mercury, but she seems to have the office skills of Chaos.

At the War Department General tells Steve that the President has called upon Super-Patriotic Steel Magnate Arthur Deal III (Bradford Dillman) to investigate. Deal will get to the bottom of these accusations about Steve Bannon, er, Trevor, and Nazis in Washington once and for all!

Steve follows an anonymous tip to a munitions depot at an old stable near Fort Myer. Alone, one presumes, because he realizes he hasn’t been rendered unconscious yet today. The anonymous caller is a Nazi spy! He knocks Steve out, sets the barn ablaze, and calls the IADC with an anonymous tip that Steve is at the barn trying to destroy the munitions.

Luckily, Wonder Woman is on the scene and whisks Steve away in a jeep. It’s unclear whether Diana/Wonder Woman learned how to drive on Paradise Island or if that’s a skill she’s acquired since arriving in D.C. She’s been here long enough to get an apartment, so let’s not think to much about her mad driving skills or how uncomfortable it must be to drive an army jeep through a dusty canyon wearing Wonder Woman garb.

Steve awakens in Diana’s apartment. Diana tells him Wonder Woman rescued his dumb ass from the fire and left him on her doorstep. It doesn’t occur to Steve to ask Diana how she got him into the apartment after she found him out there with a note. No, really, there’s a note. Does he really think Wonder Woman wrote a note, rang the bell, and ran away? I’d like to think Diana actually left his unconscious carcass out on the steps with her note pinned to his shirt all night.

Steve is at least smart enough to suspect incarcerated ex-Nazi spy Baroness Von Gunther (Christine Belford) may know something about his predicament. She was, after all, the ringleader of the Nazi spy ring that the General suspects is framing Steve for espionage. Plus, Steve arrested her and she’s probably out for revenge.

Clues!

Steve and Diana head to the Federal Women’s Penitentiary at Fort Myer. I didn’t find any historical evidence that there was ever a women’s penitentiary at Fort Myer.

Fort McNair, which is only a few miles away, was the first Federal Penitentiary in the U.S. – it was also where Mary Surat and the other co-conspirators in Lincoln’s assassination were held, so now you know that.

At Fort Myer, Steve and Diana chat with the Warden, a widower raising a young son in a prison, which is super-weird, and only gets weirder later in the episode when we see young Tommy (Christian Juttner) casually hanging out in the yard with the adult inmates. The Warden wishes there were more kids in the Pen for Tommy to play with, which seems like a pretty messed up thing to wish for, although Husband and I couldn’t decide if that was more or less weird than letting him play with America’s most dangerous enemies.

Seriously, people of 1970s Hollywood, had you never met any children?

Steve meets with the Baroness, admiring the giant metal key she’s allowed to wear around her neck. Steve is a terrible spy and I have questions about the Warden. Many many questions.

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Steve remarks that the Baroness’s pendant looks just like the Medieval Austrian keys he saw in Europe. The Baroness tells him it’s just an heirloom necklace. Oh, Steve, you’re not very bright.

Steve and the Baroness bond over their shared opinion that poor Diana is an ugly duckling with a complexion the color of “wet Bisquick.” That hair! Those glasses!

Meanwhile, Diana dashes away, spins into Wonder Woman, hides her clothes, and runs out to save Tommy from falling off of a building. Since she has to run back inside and change back into her clothes before Steve notices she’s missing, Wonder Woman doesn’t have time to retrieve her golden lasso. She asks Tommy to untie it and hold onto it for her. What could possibly go wrong with entrusting a powerful magical object to a small child? (Hint: the Nazis trick Tommy into giving up the lasso).

Tommy likes to play Sherlock Holmes, taking notes on the activities at the prison. Tommy even has one of the special keys, which he picked up after the Baroness’s henchman dropped it. (spoiler alert: The Baroness has henchmen).

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The key is exactly like the key the Baroness wears around her neck.
Tommy tries to warn his father about the tunnel and the hooded figure being snuck in and out of the prison under cover of night. That Tommy is a scamp!

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The Warden thinks Tommy has an over-active imagination, but we know better, because we’ve seen the Baroness sneaking out to meet with a mysterious Nazi collaborator who goes by the name Thor, which is much sexier than Arthur Deal III.

The night before Steve’s Congressional hearing, he’s summoned to Arthur Deal’s estate for a preliminary interview. When Steve arrives at Deal’s estate he discovers that Deal is a Nazi spy!

While steel was a powerful industry in the 1940s, the show is a product of the late 1970s, when the U.S. was in the throes of a steel crisis. Making a steel magnate a Nazi spy was perhaps a little on-the-nose, but (spoiler alert) this show is not known for nuance.

The Baroness is there! She and Deal/Thor take Steve hostage.

Luckily, Tommy is a better Spy than Steve Trevor. When Tommy saw the Baroness sneaking out of the prison, he took down the license plate of the car that picked her up. Tommy has the good sense to give it to Wonder Woman instead of his dad. Wonder Woman uses her Terminator voice imitation skill to impersonate General Blankenship, tricking the DMV into running the plate.

The car belongs to Arthur Deal III!

At last, the Warden believes his weird lonely son about the secret tunnel that allows the Baroness to come and go as she pleases. Too bad it’s after the Baroness leaves for the night. And also after one of her Nazi spy/prison guards apparently whisks Tommy away during a commercial break.

As my friend Beth remarked: “That’s not so much a tunnel as it is a door.”

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Indeed. And it’s not just a door, it’s a gigantic door that has escaped detection since the prison was built years earlier by Austrian stonemasons who apparently had a well-known tradition of creating large artistic keys and secret doors in prison walls. It’s so well-known that even Steve Trevor knew about it!

So who hired these dudes to build a super-max penitentiary for America’s most dangerous war criminals?

Wonder Woman dashes off to Arthur Deal III’s estate, where the Baroness has some knock-out gas at the ready. Is this the end of Tommy, Steve Trevor and Wonder Woman? It sure looks like it, since they’re all loosely tied to ornate chairs in the house where Steve Trevor went for his pre-trial hearing.

Who’d ever think to look there? Whatever will happen? It looks like you’ve won this one, Baroness…

Ha-ha, Baroness! It was a trick! Wonder Woman is stronger than your Nazi super-strong elephant chains!

After Wonder Woman breaks free and rescues Steve and Tommy, she and the Baroness have an epic fight, in that they crash into a bunch of furniture before taking their fisticuffs out on the lawn, where they roll down a hill together.

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Wonder Woman captures the Baroness with her golden lasso and shames her with a lecture about her “unwomanly mistakes.”

No. Really.

Wonder Woman never gives up on another woman, assuring Steve: “Where I was raised we were taught that good must triumph over evil” and that “women and men can learn!” Well, except for the Baroness, I guess, because Wonder Woman gives up on her pretty easily.

Although I’m not wild about this video compilation title (“Wonder Woman chick fights”), it does include the full fight scene with the Baroness, addition to a few other stellar moments of 70s TV combat:

Wonder Woman comic readers may remember that the Baroness was one of Wonder Woman’s original enemies. Thanks to the Amazon’s re-education skills, the Baroness changes her evil ways, gets Amazonian powers, and is (usually) an ally in Wonder Woman’s fight against evil. In this episode, she just goes back to jail. In what may be a nod to the comics, she tells Tommy she’s one of Wonder Woman’s best friends in order to trick him into giving up the lasso, so that’s amusing.

This episode contains:

  • Bullet Deflecting Bracelets
  • Captive kids
  • Chloroform
  • Creative Geography
  • Henchmen
  • Lasso of Truth (Golden Lasso)
  • Mansel in Distress
  • Nazi Spies
  • Spinning
  • Unconscious Steve Trevor
  • Voice Mimicry
  • Weird Childhoods
  • Womanly Badassery
  • Wonder Woman in Bondage
  • Note: I’m using the names of military installations as they’re used on the show and as they would have been known in Washington, D.C. in the 1940s.

    This Woman Punches Nazis: “The New Original Wonder Woman” (1.1)

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    The posts in this series contain copious spoilers for a TV series that ran from 1976-1979. If that’s a problem, this is definitely not the blog for you.

    “The New Original Wonder Woman” (1.1) aired on November 7, 1975. Written by Stanley Ralph Ross and directed by Leonard Horn, this was technically the 2nd pilot episode ABC produced before greenlighting the show in 1976. (The 1974 pilot starred Cathy Lee Crosby as Wonder Woman). Ross had written twenty-five percent of the episodes of Adam West’s Batman TV series (1966-1968). When the network rejected the first pilot, they chose camp-meister Ross to create and develop the series, starting with a newly adapted storyworld and cast.

    The episode opens with a World War II stock footage montage. At the end of the sequence, an FDR impersonator gravely intones: “The only hope for freedom and democracy…” as we cut to the Wonder Woman theme song and a comicbook-style title sequence.

    After Lynda Carter (Diana Prince/Wonder Woman) and Lyle Waggoner (Steve Trevor) pop out of their frames and smile their thousand watt smiles, we get straight to the campy action.

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    By the way, Lyle Waggoner was Playgirl magazine’s first centerfold, tastefully concealing his junk from the camera in the pages of the April 1973 inaugural issue. (This link is going to return way more than I think you want to see on a Friday afternoon and is 100% NOT SAFE FOR WORK. I know you’re going to click it anyway but you can’t say I didn’t warn you. Go on. You know you want to. I’ll wait here).

    You done? OK. Moving on…

    After the title sequence, we see a Top Secret Nazi Base in Germany, wherein a Nazi Commander (Kenneth Mars) summons an ace Nazi Pilot (Eric Braeden) for a secret mission. The media Trope of the Sissy Villain is in full play here: the Nazi Commander is an effeminate diva.

    Awkward exposition explaining the secret mission ensues.

    “Blahblahblah. Nazi. Nazi. Nazi. Blow up the Brooklyn Navy Yard. If you don’t do it right I’ll do it myself.”

    While the Nazi Commander gives the Nazi Pilot his orders, the Third Nazi in the room sneaks off, because he’s a spy!

    Meanwhile in Washington D.C., devilishly handsome war hero Steve Trevor reads the Nazi spy’s intel. In keeping with the 1970s obsession with the Bermuda Triangle, Steve Trevor heads off to intercept the Nazi pilot in the Bermuda Triangle because planes disappear there all the time so the Nazis won’t suspect the Americans. Obviously.

    Too bad Steve and General Blankenship (John Randolph) have this conversation in front of Steve’s sexy secretary, Marcia (Playboy Playmate Stella Stevens) because she’s not really running off to a doctor’s appointment before her date with Steve that night. She’s a Nazi spy! He’s a pig! But it’s the 1970s as the 1940s, so only one of those things is bad!

    Soon, Steve is in a dog-fight over the Bermuda Triangle. He and the Nazi Pilot have to eject from their planes. They drift down in their parachutes, mere feet from each other, while having a hilariously inept shoot-out. The Nazi is eaten by sharks; Steve Trevor washes up on the beach.

    Luckily…It’s Paradise Island!

    Princess Diana and her gal-pal Rena (Inga Neilson) are cavorting down the beach in their chiffon shortie-nighties when they come upon…an unconscious man! This is the first time Steve Trevor is rendered unconscious, but it won’t be the last – not even the last time this episode.

    Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, wonders why, after 1000 years, a man has found their island. As the Queen, Chloris Leachman chews: an apple, her knuckles, the scenery. It’s pretty amazing. I can’t even imagine what kind of direction she was getting from director Leonard Horn. The result was fantastic, whatever it was. Amazingly, Leachman doesn’t even play the kookiest iteration of Hippolyta in the series. That title goes to Carolyn Jones, perhaps best known as television’s Morticia Addams, who takes over the role later in the season.

    Under the influence of truth serum, which was also big in the ’70s, Steve confesses he’s a spy and tells the Queen about the Nazis.

    In Washington D.C., General Blankenship tells Stella that Steve is dead.

    In Germany, the Nazi Commander minces off to complete the mission himself. (Oh yes, we’ll be talking about masculinity, gender, and stereotypes in a later post, as well as the changing portrayal of the Nazis over the course of the first season).

    On Paradise Island, the Queen just wants the Amazons to be able to live in peace and sisterhood! She holds a tournament to decide who will accompany the unconscious man home.

    The Queen forbids Diana from competing. Conveniently, the customs of Paradise Island include the custom of wearing awkward and not-really-identity-concealing masks while competing in a competition of speed and agility, so Diana gets a blonde wig and a mask and defies her mother.

    A weird competition ensues. There’s running! Jumping! Horseback riding! Stone throwing! Arm wrestling! All edited in arty soft focus and slow motion, with lots of dissolves from one event to another to either keep the story moving or prevent the audience from dwelling on how silly the competition actually is. Seriously. Here’s a screenshot of stone throwing:

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    Finally, it’s time for Bullets and Bracelets! In this episode, the competing Amazons shoot to kill – firing at each other’s faces. (In the second season, Bullets and Bracelets will involve each contestant standing to the side of the target and trying to keep her opponent from hitting her target).

    Diana wins! The Queen presents her with a shiny new outfit, made of indestructible fabric. It has a removable skirt, the Queen says as Diana removes the skirt and discards it, never to be seen again.

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    “The colors were chosen because they represent freedom and democracy.” Sure, Why not?

    The Queen explains Wonder Woman’s accessories. Her belt enables her to use her Amazon powers even when she’s off the island.

    Wonder Woman loads up once-again unconscious Steve Trevor and flies to Washington D.C. in her Invisible Jet, an object which inspires previously unimaginable levels of scorn from Husband, although I’m not entirely sure why.

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    Wonder Woman delivers unconscious Steve Trevor to the Armed Forces Hospital, later returning disguised as a nurse to keep tabs on him.

    Wonder Woman realizes she needs money to buy some clothes to cover up her star-spangled butt. She does the only logical thing, agreeing to be in a daredevil show. Promoter Ashley Norman (Red Buttons) hires her, running an ad inviting the audience to bring any weapon they want to shoot at the Wonder Woman, who will stand on stage deflecting bullets back at the audience. With a metal wall behind her.

    The writers didn’t seem to understand guns or physics or logic, but that’s all part of the charm. Right? Right.

    Also, Ashley Norman’s agency is called “Dogs, Dwarfs, Daredevils.” Also, Ashley Norman is actually Karl the Nazi Spy and he’s working with Marcia the Nazi Spy to try to kill this Wonder Woman.

    Bet you’ll never guess that the little old lady who shows up at the daredevil show with a machine guy is a Nazi Spy. She is! But Wonder Woman is amazing and deflects every single bullet! Wonder Woman doesn’t know Ashley/Karl is a Nazi. Yet.

    After the show, she puts on her nurse’s uniform and checks on Steve, but she finds that he’s checked himself out of the hospital so that he can go be rendered unconscious somewhere else.

    WONDER WOMAN DOES HER FIRST SPINNING COSTUME CHANGE. The effects hadn’t quite been worked out yet, so the editor cuts back and forth between Lynda Carter spinning in her nurse’s uniform and in her Wonder Woman getup. Eventually she stops spinning around and her transformation into Wonder Woman is complete. In the first few episodes, she still has her clothing in her hand when she stops spinning and must hide the items while she is Wonder Woman, which means she also has to return to her original spin site to resume her identity as Diana again. It’s strange and results in some supremely silly and awkward situations before the writers wise up and just make her clothes vanish in later episodes.

    Sexy Marcia, Nazi Spy, gives Spy of Questionable Competence Steve Trevor a dose of truth serum. He makes kissy faces at her and divulges the combination to his Top Secret Office Safe, because he is a terrible spy but a stellar manslut.

    Marcia dashes off to steal things from Steve’s Top Secret Office Safe, but Wonder Woman catches her red-handed. Marcia was the Nuremberg Judo Champ, so she and Wonder Woman have a pratfall-filled fight, which I found on youtube, much to my delight:


    Wonder Woman Fights Marcia

    Then, Wonder Woman uses the Lasso of Truth on Marcia before telling her that the Nazis will fail because they don’t respect their women and the future is sisterhood.

    Then, Wonder Woman uses an unexplained creepy Terminator ability to mimic voices, impersonating Marcia on the phone to lure the other Nazi spies into her trap.

    Then, Wonder Woman captures the Nazi Commander and lectures him for not respecting womanhood.

    Then, Wonder Woman punches him in his Nazi face.

    Then, Wonder Woman delivers the Commander to the DCPD, rounds up the other Nazi spies, and rescues Steve Trevor.

    Steve thinks Wonder Woman is super vavavavoom. Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

    A few days later, Steve recovers enough to return to his job as a terrible spy, vowing to only hire ugly ducklings from now on. Oh pretty girls, you’re such a problem to our national security! Luckily, General Blankenship has already hired Steve a new secretary, hideously ugly but highly competent Yeoman Diana Prince.

    Holy cats! It’s Princess Diana! With her hair pulled back! And wearing glasses! Oh Diana, you’re so ugly now!

    Steve and the General laugh and laugh at the ugly girl. Diana flashes her thousand watt smile at the camera and the credits roll.

    This isn’t the best episode. It’s not the nuttiest episode. It’s not the most psychedelic episode. It doesn’t have the wackiest guest stars. It doesn’t have the most absurd examples of Los Angeles as Washington D.C. It doesn’t have some of the iconic imagery, such as the lightning flash spinning transformation or Wonder Woman jumping over a fountain it would be faster to walk around, but that’s okay. It’s a delightful and goofy examplar of the series so if you’re only ever planning to watch one episode, make it this one.

      This episode contains:

      Bullets and Bracelets
      Spinning
      Invisible Jet
      Lasso of Truth
      Voice Mimicry
      Womanly Badassery
      Nazi Spies
      Mansel in Distress Steve Trevor
      Unconscious Steve Trevor
      The Bermuda Triangle

    The Great Wonder Woman Rewatch

    LyndaCarterWWCape Once upon a time I bought Husband the complete TV series Wonder Woman (1975-1979) for his birthday.

    In an episode of questionable decision-making, I recently decided to blog my way through all 3 seasons of this glorious show.

    OK. Look. Lynda Carter is awesome. Wonder Woman is awesome. This show? Not always awesome. Does it matter? A show can be glorious even when it isn’t always awesome, right? Absolutely!

    Moving on…

    What can you expect from this epic series of insightful posts? I’m not just recapping the shows for you – you’ll get cultural and historical context! Steve Trevor wardrobe snark! DC Geography lessons! And so much more!

    Here’s a brief overview of the three seasons to set the stage, in case you’ve repressed or forgotten this magical moment in our cultural history:

    In Season 1, Diana Prince/Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter) rescues Steve Trevor Sr. (Lyle Waggoner), one of the worst spies in the history of American spies, and returns to the U.S.A to help him battle Nazis. We’ll battle a lot of Nazis. A lot of Nazis. You won’t believe how many Nazis we’ll fight. We’ll also meet Wonder Woman’s younger sister, Drusilla/Wonder Girl (Debra Winger) and a host of other earnest Nazi-fighting characters, because Nazis.

    In Season Two, we’ll follow The New Adventures of Wonder Woman, as the show was retitled when it hopped from ABC to CBS. Our story skips ahead to the groovy present-day 1970s, where we join the Cold War, already in progress. Diana Prince/Wonder Woman journeys from Paradise Island to assist Steve Trevor, JR, who not only looks exactly like his father, but is also one of the worst spies in American history.

    Season Two has it’s finger on the pulse of the alien invasion zietgeist of the late 1970s.

    Together, Steve and Diana also fight terrorists, jewel thieves, a Hitler clone, an evil toymaker, and psychic children.

    You know, the usual scourges of the 1970s.

    Changing the setting to the present day saved CBS buckets of money, but they clearly didn’t pour that money back into the show.

    With the assistance of their polite super-computer, IRAC, Steve and Diana keep America safe from pretty much everything except Steve Trevor’s terrible, terrible wardrobe.

    In Season Three we’ll groove to a disco-fied theme song while we plod through increasingly nutty plots involving (more) alien invasions, time traveling venture capitalists, skateboarders, trained dolphins, computer dating, teen idol kidnappers, leprechauns, and a villainous brain in a jar. Fortunately, Steve Trevor, Jr, Terrible Spy, is still here to grin his dopey grin while Wonder Woman saves the day over and over and over again.

    Steve, Diana, and IRAC don’t have to battle the bad guys alone. They’re joined by Rover the robot dog, a chimpanzee, and a super-annoying kid!

    Seriously.

    It was the 70s. There were a lot of robot dogs, super-annoying kids, and chimpanzees on network television. It was a deeply confusing time to be a child.

    *Related post: In the Future We Will All Have Robot Dogs

    You can follow me on twitter (@meanlouise), and/or like my facebook page to get updates when I add new posts.

    Horrorstör ruined my laundry rack

    Grady Hendrix: Horrorstör

    Grady Hendrix’s Horrorstör is clever in all the right ways, but it’s also quite creepy. You can’t ask for much more from a high-concept horror novel.

    It’s a little too creepy and clever, honestly.

    I used to love our IKEA clothes drying rack. It folds flat and stores neatly in a nook in the laundry room, but it’s quick and easy to set it up and it holds several loads of laundry at once.

    “Love” might be over-stating my relationship to any of our household accoutrements, but it’s safe to say I liked this thing a lot. Liked. Past tense.

    Horrorstör ruined my laundry rack for me.

    IKEA Mulig drying rack

    Ever since I finished the book I’ve been utterly and completely creeped out by the laundry rack. I’m not kidding. I have such a visceral reaction to the thing that I avoid doing laundry until Husband can set the rack up for me.

    This is ridiculous, not least of which because there isn’t a drying rack in the book.

    Nevertheless, I’m looking forward to the TV series, particularly since it’s being developed by Gail Berman, who was responsible for developing both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel for television.

    Berman did, however, Executive Produce a couple episodes of Dig, which was truly abysmal in ways that even the narcotics and other assorted drugs I was on while recovering from a long and serious illness couldn’t improve. Seriously, even for television, that was some seriously ridiculous pop culture archaeology. Let’s just hope she learned her lesson from that debacle, because damn. Just…damn.