Category Archives: humor

Remember the Lovecraftian horror that was Windows 95 with a new Tumblr

http://windows95tips.com/

When we got Windows 95 (probably sometime in 1998), it took our admins about 30 seconds to see the true purpose of the system alerts. The first one I got read, “Report to the roof immediately, await further instructions.” It took some people longer than others to catch on that not all windows alerts were created equally.

Some of my former co-workers may still be up on the roof, actually. Someone should probably check into that…

This morning on facebook, a friend posted this AV Club post about a tumblr devoted to the Lovecraftian horror of Windows 95:

If you’re old enough—and Lord, does it make us sad that this is now something you can remember if you’re “old enough,” like there are now, “You know you’re a child of the ‘90s if…” e-mail forwards—then you remember that great, shimmering bastard of an operating system, Windows 95.

Posted about their post? There must be a less awkward way to say that.

The rest of their description is funny so you should visit the AV Club before you mosey over to tumblr to relive Windows 95 Tips, Tricks and Tweaks, and possibly open a gateway to another dimension.

Wamapoke County Public Radio

Parks and Recreation has done two fantastic sendups of public/community radio. I realize that making fun of public radio is like shooting fish in a barrel – it’s for that very reason that most spoofs just aren’t funny. I think most of these efforts fail because they hitch all of their jokes to the easy targets, such as the (over)enunciation standards of NPR or Pacifica. Or, they try to go for “easy laughs” by trying to skewer the Left, but end up replicating the oppressive sexist structures of corporate radio that NPR exists to stand against in the first place.

At the very least, they aren’t as absurdly, unintentionally funny as community radio can be all on it’s own earnest self. And that’s the key to what makes Parks and Recreations take on it so funny – they get it that the people who do this kind of radio are so deeply invested in a very romantic idea of the power of community radio, with a little ill-considered corporate marketing in the mix just to keep things bizarre and off-kilter, and they know how to take those elements and make them hyper-realistic without being cruel.

Leslie Knope’s appearance on Wamapoke County Public Radio on last week’s episode, “Pawnee Commons,” was pitch-perfect.


embedded link: “Pawnee Commons” into

Many thanks to Jezebel for this treasure

I laughed so hard I couldn’t breath while reading “44 Ways to Fuck Like an Idiot” (or, if you prefer, “Cosmo’s 44 Most Ridiculous Sex Tips”).

15. “Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.”
How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?

19. “Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other’s body, such as the nipples.”
On an unrelated note, this is also a great way to train your cat not to pee on the rug.

27. [When you’ve got an annoying roommate] “Rent a horror movie and play it while you have sex. If they hear any screams, they’ll assume it’s the movie.”
This will also create a relaxed ambiance.

“36 Terrible Sex Tips for Men” is also pretty great.

14. “The key to sexiness may lie in yogurt — at least for mice.”
That’s… literally the weirdest opening line I’ve ever read in my life. But it couldn’t have come at a better time, as I was planning on seducing some mice later this afternoon. What? Don’t give that look. They have pretty mouths.

15. “The testicles of mice fed a yogurt diet were 5 percent bigger than those on a regular diet – and 15 percent bigger than mice fed a “junk food diet,” according to a new study out of MIT.”
If the folks at Activia ever wanted to expand, they could consider a new tagline: “Yogurt. It does more than help Jamie Lee Curtis poop.”

Also, who thought “Give mice yogurt, then measure their balls” would make a good study? I’m sure it’s valid and well thought-out and firmly grounded. Just like I’m sure the first guy ever to drink cow’s milk was not even a little weird.

I needed a good laugh.