manateegatormonkey
I don’t know the original source of the image or any of the important things one should know before posting an image publicly, so I’ll take all blame for sharing it here.

My pal Sal made me this hilarious rendition of the party he’d throw me if he could invite monkeys, manatees, and gators to a birthday party. Safely, I mean. You could cart all three into a room and dress them up and give them cake. I guess…

Once.

I think the card/imaginary party is a safer way to go.

Less cleanup.

Also, fewer chances of any sort of Fish and Wildlife Service or other law enforcement intervention. The older I get, the less desirable these things become.

I’ve been neglecting you a bit mostly due to illness and then some unsuccessful adventures in re-theming this site. I’ve been too stubborn to give in and hire a wordpress guru, but I’m getting close to admitting I can’t roll my own any longer (a conclusion I should have reached a long time ago, I know).

I’ll be back soon – expect a post on Monday about the craptacular 2008 SyFy movie, Lost City Raiders.

Just as soon as I sober up.

Not from my birthday, from the Lost City Raiders viewing session. It’s a doozy, but I mean that in the best possible way.

I wanted to do a flashy redesign but then I went down a rabbithole while cleaning up the tagging system that had gotten a bit out of control.

While cleaning up the tags I’ve fixed loads of broken code, broken links, missing images, and all those other things no one likes to keep an eye on.

Tags should provide a nifty way to quickly visualize topics I blog about on a regular basis.

Tags actually provide evidence that I just like to tag things.

-Telepathic crickets.

-Huckabee.

-Things that will strangle you in your sleep.

-Dinosaur Super-soldiers.

-Who gives a fuck about the royal baby? It’s a baby. They all look like sticky bags of flesh.

-Giant snakes.

-No one pays attention to the tags.

-Shut the fuck up about the royal baby. You don’t know the baby. Babies are weird to everyone except the person whose lady parts they squirmed out of.

I’ve finally edited things down from 3,000+ unique tags to fewer than 400. This took forever, but I had a little time to kill recently. (You don’t think I’m actually paying attention when I watch all those SyFy craptacular movies, do you?)

Patience, my pets, while I try out a new template. Nothing is were I left it and the whole process makes me a bit irritable these days because my PHP skills are, um, lacking, so everything takes ten times longer than the bad old days of plain vanilla HTML tweeking. There probably wasn’t anything wrong with the old template, but it kind of bugged me.

Blahblahblah.Woofwoofwoof.

You should now be able to subscribe to follow-up comments via email. I know, how very 2002 of me. I’ve been meaning to fix that for a while now (probably since 2002), you can thank JunglePete for encouraging me to fix this feature. Also, go read his post, “Living Without Aigrettes” and look at the pretty bird pictures. I know you loyally read all his posts, but I just wanted to make sure you didn’t miss that one. Educational and aesthetically pleasing. Bonus.
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I was apparently quoted at least once more in January in the Washington Post Express. If anyone knows which days or which posts they quoted, would you let me know? Thanks!

I swear that title is an unintentional bit of 80’s lyrics hilarity. Seems appropriate though, since I’ve been amusing myself tweaking various [tag]wordpress[/tag] error messages to display U2 or Talking Heads lyrics. Why have I been doing this? I’m glad you asked.

This whole redesign started because I wanted to add a wordpress plug-in, a harmless little critter called [tag]Now Reading[/tag]. Let’s face it, this site was an ugly mess that was being held together by chewing gum, duct tape, and 404 errors. A template upgrade was hardly a waste of time. It could, however, have taken up less time.

I installed the Now Reading plug-in and then remembered that my template doesn’t support [tag]widgets[/tag]. I had a whole bunch of shiny new widget-ready templates stashed in a file, but when I looked at them again I decided I hated them all. So I tracked down this nice template, downloaded it, uploaded it, messed around with it, decided to keep it.

Then I activated the plug-in and couldn’t get the damned thing to work. I butchered some php, broke my site, fixed my site, broke my site again, fixed it again. Then I went and broke the Internet. Eventually, I realized Comcast had broken the Internet and reset our router.

Then there was more of the editing and the swearing. I’ve actually run out of obscenities, so if you have some extras lying around I may need to borrow them. At least I had the good sense to backup the site (twice, to two different locations) before I started messing things up.

Maybe you should go check out [tag]Catalog Choice[/tag], a brilliant non-profit webservice that helps you escape from catalog mailing lists. It might be safer than hanging around in here today.