No.No.No.No.No. Say it isn’t so. Please say it isn’t so. Tonight on the Sopranos, the moment that Chris “acquired” that nightclub a knot formed in my stomach. When he gave the club to Adrianna, I felt queasy.

Please, please, please don’t let the Sopranos fall into the 90210/Charmed “we’ve got a nightclub let’s have gratuitous guestshots from bands” trap. It’s already started. We didn’t even get through the first bar-ownership episode and there was already some lame band performing.

Does David Chase have that little faith in his fan base that he thinks they’ll start jumping ship mid-season? Why else would you resort to adding filler to your show? On the upside, since there are no commercial breaks during the Sopranos, a gratuitous band interlude gives you the opportunity to go to the bathroom, get a beer or just bang your head against the wall for a few minutes if you need to.

Perhaps next season on Survivor III they can have guest bands. Every few days another band can be dropped into whatever “remote” location they are filming in. The band can play and then the Survivors can hunt them, slaughter them, and eat them.

plucked from the ashes of the archives, reposted 02-23-07

I get letters, oh I get letters!

Dear Skarlet:
On Sex and the City the women have disappearing underwear. They put on sexy drawers and then next thing you see one of them is hiking up her dress and plopping down on a comode without pulling down any panties. Where do their panties go?

I have no idea where their panties go, but I do know what you’re talking about. I accidentally caught a rerun of said program last night. A model was talking to Carrie in the restroom. She had visible panty lines, but then in the middle of the conversation when she turned around, hiked up her dress and sat on the toilet, her panties had magically disappeared.

Maybe their panties are made of a space-age fiber that allows them to pee straight through them without any ickiness. Maybe their panties go to the same place that Diana Prince’s purse goes when she spins around and becomes Wonder Woman. Maybe we just shouldn’t think too much about things like this because it could well lead to a one-way trip to someplace quiet and restful, if you get my drift.

I’m sure you’re all disappointed that your email correspondance are not at the same lofty intellectual level as my own.

I don’t know why people don’t write to ask me about my thesis research. Doesn’t anyone care about taxidermy or animal mummies? What’s this world coming to?

I watched too many eps of the Mod Squad last night and frankly I’m not fit to answer my phone at this point, let alone tackle weighty issues involving scanty undergarments. If I come up with a better answer I’ll be sure to let you know.


Culture Vulture/Music Critic Extraordinaire Nisa Rant blew my Wonder Woman/Disappearing Panties theory right out of the water, so to speak. She pointed out that if said women don’t turn around 3 times before they park their boney asses on the toilet then their undergarments cannot possibly be a part of the same physical universe as Wonder Woman’s purse. A very good point.

This leaves us with only 2 theories left: space-age polymer panties or completely apathetic continuity people.

(the date on this post might be wrong by a day or two or three, the archival restoration process is a little bumpy)