Mom and I usually save up the big, dumb, loud spy movies for weekend binges at her house. Consequently, when I tivo’d [tag]Mission Impossible III[/tag] and couldn’t remember if I’d ever bothered to see MI:II, she was my first phonecall.
She couldn’t remember either, although we were certain we’d watched MI:I sometime last fall before we made the transition to big, dumb, loud jewel heist movies. We might have had a Mission Impossible double feature, but it was a little hazy. We vaguely remembered the plot to MI:II. There was some sort of mission. It was impossible. Tom Cruise looked constipated. We may or may not have fallen asleep before the end. Some stuff blew up. The end set us up for a sequel.
Good enough. I decided to give MI:III a go. After all, J.J. Abrams has had more hits than misses and the movie does have lots of good character actors. Alas, it also has Tom Cruise in it, but you can’t win ’em all. Cruise looks like he’s always either constipated or about to try to tell everyone how great Scientology is. Maybe both. I think that’s called Method Acting.
After about 10 minutes it became apparent to me that even if the so-called villains were telling the truth and they’d put a bomb in Cruise’s head, I wasn’t going to get the gratification that would come from watching his head burst like a pumpkin that’s been tossed into the elephant house. I deleted it without bothering to finish it. It figured it would have been two hours of my life I wasn’t ever getting back.
Besides, I needed room on the Tivo for tonight’s [tag]SciFi[/tag] Channel Crap-o-rama Of the Week,* [tag]Ogre[/tag]. Starring [tag]John Schneider[/tag].
That’s just got quality written all over it, doesn’t it?
*that’s a COW in movie mogul lingo. Slip it into conversation the next time you’re at a bar trying to impress the ladies.
I’ve actually started scouring the tv guide for the COW movies to save up. The ones I tried last night were so awful I had to give up. Both were something about snakes, I think. Cobra something maybe. Very more awful than usual. Do try to catch Pterodactyl though — had lots of folks losing half of their bodies and lots of special effects — though in this case I think the word “special” is more like, you know, the kids on the small school bus type special.
But I’ve got Ogre saved up too — let’s be teenagers and watch together on the phone. LOL.
OMG I TOTALLY forgot to blog about Ogre! Thanks for the reminder. I, um, kinda watched it twice. And I don’t recommend that, actually. Hee.
*facepalm*
Wow, I hadn’t even realized that was John Schneider!
Also I can no longer watch Tom Cruise in anything. But then I’ve had that problem since Lestat and probably should try to get over it. I had that same issue with Meryl Steep movies for a while when every time I turned around there was another “she is just the BEST” gushfest over her, I did get over that too. But Cruise keeps being wacky and it’s way too hard to look at him and not see the wacky guy instead of the character.
Then again I just admitted to watching Ogre twice so I’m probably a bit wacky myself.