Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep

September 30, 2006

Scifipedia is off to a pretty good start.

Their SciFi Original Movies season, not so much. The best thing I can say about Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep was that they called it Kraken instead of Killimari. I was only half-watching it, and I was still bored.

SciFi had a contest to name the film and I thought Killimari was an absolutely awesome name for a giant killer squid movie. “Kraken: tentacles of the deep” is also clever and appropriate for a giant squid B movie of the deep, but Killimari was, just, well, Killimari. Just say it out loud a few times. Perfect, no?

Alas, as it turned out, Kraken was a bad movie and thus undeserving of such a cool name. Kraken was just bad, but not Bad. Not endlessly rewatchably Bad. Certainly not “Gratuitous Linda Blair tapdancing sequence” Bad or “James Earl Jones yakking up a leopard” Bad or “Chuck Norris kickboxing the devil in Israel” Bad or even “Bela Lugosi wrestling a giant rubber octopus stolen from the prop room of a John Wayne movie” Bad. It was simply small-b bad. Drowning in mediocrity bad. Boring bad.

To make it worse, they followed it with Snakehead Terror which stars the unholy tryptich of Bruce Boxleitner, Carol Alt, and animatronic stairclimbing snakehead fish. Snakehead Terror is no Empire of the Ants, but it’s lightyears more entertaining than Kraken. B-movies can, and probably should, be many things: badly directed, badly edited, badly acted, even badly written (maybe, especially, badly written) but they should never be boring.

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October 4, 2006 @ 3:41 pm

ooh, another -pedia for the 5 yo to troll looking for “legendary creatures,” his current fascination. He was sorely disappointed that the “giant octopus” at SeaWorld was not actually the size of a mid-sized vehicle. You could see the disgust at the betrayal when he found it in the tiny tank. I think we’ve done something wrong with him — his favorite movie right now is Harry Hamlin’s “Clash of the Titans.”

October 4, 2006 @ 6:48 pm

Have you been letting him hang out with Batty? ;-) Actually, I’ve decided to blame Batty for everything these days. For no good reason. Although if a child has developed an obsession with legendary creatures I’d say she’s a pretty good person to blame anyway :-)