[embedded image: what the fuck?” on flickr by meanlouise]

I was scheduled to receive a chair, ottoman, and associate slipcovers today from IKEA.

Over a dependably tasty lunch at Vermillion last week, Danielle assured me that I would, at minimum, get the wrong chair.

Oh ye of little faith.

The big day arrived. I got the correct chair. I got the correct ottoman. I got the correct ottoman slip-cover. I got all of the associated hardware and I got it all put together lickety-split.

I didn’t even lickety-split any of my fingers on any of the deviously small allen wrenches.

So what’s the problem, you ask? (You ask, presumably, because you’re drunk and didn’t understand that the image of Husband at the top of the post was a tip-off that there is a problem).

But I digress.

Look at the chair.

Look harder.

The chair, it’s naked.

Why? Because this is the slipcover they sent me:

It’s gigantic. I feel like I could rig a sailing vessel with all that canvas.

See the photo at the top of the post for details.

I’ve contacted IKEA. It’s a simple matter of them picking this one up and bringing a new one, right?

Right?

We’ll see. Frankly, part of the attraction of IKEA upholstered furniture is the fact that you can get the most amazing custom covers for them from Bemz.

Look how adorable our rumpus room couch is:

[embedded image:couch]

Until I buy the new cover, I still need one for the chair, because they aren’t designed to be clothing-optional.

Pricy? Yeah, but the fabric quality of the textiles from Bemz is very high. To be fair, the quality of these IKEA slipcovers seem to be pretty high. Too bad they’re the wrong ones.

In the meantime, I owe Danielle a cocktail because she pretty much called this.

How can this company, with the worst delivery record and the worst customer service on the planet possibly stay in business? How? How? How? (Because people like me are stupid and keep shopping there?)

I’m going to edit this to add a key fact Husband missed. You can’t order the chair without the slipcover. They count as one item. One item. No one orders the chair and asks to upgrade to the HMS Pinafore.