Now that I’ve been liberated from the Board of an arts organization, I can say whatever I want without worrying about my inbox and voicemail getting pounded by bitchy recriminatory messages from thin-skinned artists who feel perfectly free to say what they think about my work but feel it’s not fair for me to say I don’t like their work. It’s art, it’s subjective.

This might still happen, but now my response is an extremely professional boo-fucking-hoo.. Also: It’s art, it’s subjective.

This is liberating. So liberating, in fact, that I can’t decide where to start.

It’s not even that I have anything mean to say. Just saying I don’t like or don’t care for something is usually enough to start the hissy-fits and a barrage of “you aren’t being fair.” It’s art, it’s subjective.

Life isn’t fair, people. It’s fine to say “it’s not fair” once in a while. But grown-ups really shouldn’t stamp their feet and say things “aren’t fair” over and over unless an airplane has fallen on them or the Mob has fixed a game against them or they’ve been forced to watch that terrible sitcom about Indian call centers. That show, it isn’t art.

If you’re over the age of 7 and you’re pitching a fit about how something isn’t fair and you say it more than once, it may be time to stop drinking. Or start. I don’t really know. Just stop saying it to me and we’ll all be happy.

The sad part is, years ago I got so worn down by all the hissy-fits that I just quit trying. If I didn’t have anything nice to say, I didn’t say anything at all. That of course became a problem, because I’m often too tired to post about every show I see, so some artists took no mention as a sign I hated their work, them, their families, their dogs, and all of their friends.

Artists, I love you, but you make me tired. That’s not sarcasm. The care and feeding of your fragile egos just wears me out.

Here’s the thing that’s always perplexed me about all of this: I have no power. If you really think that my saying I don’t care for your work is the thing that makes or breaks your career, you have a lot to learn.

Plus, just because someone doesn’t like one of your pieces piece or doesn’t understand it or doesn’t care for one show doesn’t mean they want to burn down your studio, revoke your diploma, and smash your fingers with a hammer. It just means they (read: I, in this case) don’t care for one thing. It’s art, it’s subjective.

This is a lot of lead-in to mock one little FOX5 Morning News piece about the Pink Line Project’s Cherry Blast, isn’t it? Sorry about that. It’s a good example of something I’ve considered holding my tongue about, though.

Let’s be clear: I think Philipa Hughes is awesome. So awesome I’m allowed to take the word “awesome” out of linguistic limbo just to use it to describe her. Her Pink Line Project is super-awesome. Delicious. Delightful. Delectable. Divine. Etc etc ad infinitum.

I’m sure Philipa doesn’t care what my or anyone’s opinion of a morning show segment is. What often gives me pause in cases like this is what other people will read into the post. 3 months from now, I don’t want to hear that I’m out to get Pink Line or I’ve been bad-mouthing it, because that’s not the case. I’m not being snarky, I’m not being snide, I’m just giggling about something I saw on TV.

Cherry Blast will be, well, a blast. We’ll probably attend since we decided not to go to Artini this year.

I lied about one small thing. I didn’t giggle at this news segment. I laughed until I cried. It’s probably not that funny, but I was having a challenging week.

It just doesn’t work, and it doesn’t work on so many levels. I don’t know who’s to blame, and it doesn’t matter. Publicity is publicity, and it sure stays with you, so it’s a win in that respect, I suppose. For Cherry Blast, anyway. Maybe not so much for modern dance, which, despite the obvious grace of the dancer, doesn’t come across so well.

Modern dance + television are rarely a combination that goes great together. Add silence, balloons, and a tight shot with no lead-in and you get a French and Saunders sketch. What’s funny here isn’t the skill of the performer, the artists, the event, or the organization. It takes a lot of guts to perform on a morning news segment. What’s funny is the end product, which just….doesn’t….work.

It’s art. It’s subjective. Most importantly, it’s the FOX5 Morning News. Go. Enjoy. Giggle if you want. It won’t hurt anyone’s career or bring about the Endtimes. I don’t think…

FOX 5 Weekend Events with Paul Raphel April 1 – 3: MyFoxDC.com