We’ve been spending way too much time here at my house reading Studies in Crap. The site first caught my attention when a link to “Does the Harlequin Romance Unicorn Vengeance boast the worst sentence ever published in English? Mayhap!” popped up on a list-serv.

So what is Studies in Crap? It’s a feature on the website of Kansas City magazine, Pitch.

Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.

Back to their expert dissection of Unicorn Vengeance:

That first sex scene ends abruptly in the middle of a handjob:

“Nay! Not so soon! Wolfram felt his seed spill across his stomach in a warm, tingling rush, even as he heard himself moan.”

This is historically accurate, at least according to what a lady friend tells me about her summer working at Medieval Times. It also fulfills the narrative obligation of letting the maiden maintain her maidenhood until the book’s climax.

Studies in Crap dissects a variety of fine sources, from Texas history textbooks from the 1930s to Evangelical marital advice manuals.

Poor some coffee and say good-bye to the rest of your day.