Last week, a century ago, my old friend TV and I had a bit of a spat. We tried a temporary separation. We weren’t exactly headed to divorce court, but we needed some space. After sitting (okay, laying on the couch drooling) through the back-to-back premiers of “Lost” and “The Amazing Race” I needed a break.

This week’s tragedy dragged me kicking and screaming back to the TV. But TV still isn’t my friend. As you may have noticed, the wall-to-wall coverage of the terrorist attacks is making me a little crazy. This morning, during the extremely emotional coverage of the first funeral services in New York, the network chose to leave the news crawl on at the bottom of the screen. Not especially respectful.

We tried to find some sanity by channel surfing. Instead, we found Timbersports on ESPN2. Timbersports. Just like it sounds. Big brawny men cutting up wood in front of a capacity crowd at Dollywood, Dolly Parton’s theme park in Tennessee.

Over on TNN, the duck hunting action was heating up. Bass fishing also beckoned, as did a buck hunting show.

Over on MTV, Carson Daly was now on the phone with P. Diddy and Justin Timberlake, who were trying to make sense of this awful tragedy for us. It was enough to send me fleeing back to TNN, just in time for a commercial for mysterious products designed to cover my scent in the woods and bring the big game running to me, just begging to get their heads blown off. Products with names like “acorn frenzy” and “sexy cow.” In fact, there was a whole line of “sexy” fragrances, including my favorite, “sexy mule.”