I’m not one to anthropomorphize my gadgets, but I’m pretty sure my ipod is messing with me. Actively and openly mocking me.

A couple of months ago, on top of my usual aches and pains, I injured my [tag]Iliotibial Band[/tag], which in my case ultimately resulted in a lovely lingering stabbing pain from the top of my hip bone to roughly the edge of my ribs. Whoever invented the lidocaine patch deserves the Nobel Prize. Runners live in fear of an IT Band injury. They whisper about them the way your grandmother says words like “prison” or “drugs.” And wuith good reason, I now understand. I could pretend this was a dramatic training injury, but the truth is I injured it getting out of the car while parked on a steep hill. Seriously. Stop laughing. Let’s just move on now.

There’s no good way to simulate the specific pain, but I’ve thought of a little demonstration you can that will give you an approximation. Go get a hammer. Go on, I’ll wait here.

Good.

Now whack your big toe as hard as you can. Now do it again. This time a little try a little harder, you seemed to still be able to get air into your lungs that last time and your eyes barely teared up.

Theeeeere you go, now you’ve got it. Now do that pretty much continuously for the next two months.

So where was I? Right. Husband and I were at the gym not long ago, where I still feel like I’m slogging through invisible cement. I set my [tag]ipod[/tag] on shuffle. I can’t remember the exact order of the songs it chose, but I’m positive the surly little silver beastie was telling me it thought I was as good as roadkill.

“Dead Man’s Party” ([tag]Oingo Boingo[/tag]), “Living Dead Girl” ([tag]Rob Zombie[/tag]), “#1 Crush” ([tag]Garbage[/tag] – which I think counts because I thought the title was “I would die for you” for a long time), also, of course, “I would Die 4U” ([tag]Prince[/tag]). There were more mocking choices – what brought it my attention is that they were all mocking choices – not one or two, but all of them. There are a lot of songs on that ipod, very few actually have death in the title. I’m too tired to remember or check what the rest were. You get the drift, it was strange.

The [tag]Talking Heads[/tag] “Road to Nowhere” was a minor deviation, but sadistically apt when one is slogging along on a treadmill. It’s a good thing there’s no [tag]Death Cab for Cutie[/tag], [tag]Dead Kennedys[/tag] or [tag]Dead Milkmen[/tag] on it or the [tag]ipod[/tag] might have burst into flames. Or Grateful Dead, because then I might have burst into flames.

This may be proof I need a new ipod. Right?