As you might have noticed, I’m irritated by Yuppie children who are encouraged to do whatever they want whenever they want no matter where they are so as not to stifle their giftedness – and make no mistake, they are all gifted, even the one eating cat poop over by the oak tree.

Lingering at the pharmacy, I realized that the other species of children – the demonically well-mannered children – frighten and annoy me just as much as the self-actualizing hellions. It’s not the Eddie Haskell factor, they seem genuinely extremely well-mannered, but they annoy me. And scare me.

Actually, when I say “they” I mean all of them. All children are equally frightening and annoying, and the amount of snot and other mucous-based substances they can produce in a short amount of time is mind-boggling, but that’s a whole other post.

Aside from being a viable source of protein, what purpose do the little beasts serve?