You have your family rituals, we have ours. Ours include watching the first three Vacation movies because, let’s be frank, we are the Griswolds. It’s the primary reason we no longer travel in a pack.
I’d forgotten until we reached the apex of the series, Christmas Vacation, that it’s a squirrel that ultimately destroys the house. Oh how appropriate, since, in other news, I’m being stalked by a squirrel.
It was shockingly easy (for trained professionals) to solve our attic squirrel issues. In a few short minutes the hole was repaired, the nest was removed, and the squirrels had been evicted. Sadly, we didn’t have the squirrels trapped and relocated and now one of the squirrels is stalking me.
She climbs around the exterior of the house, going from window to window, staring in at me. Rationally, I know it’s just a fluke of squirrel physiology, but I swear sometimes it looks like she’s giving me the finger. I figured she’d lose interest, but it’s been 13 days now and she won’t leave me alone. It’s seriously creepy.
I suggested to Husband that this might be like the ending of a horror movie, and in the sequel we’re going to discover that we didn’t get the real nest and that she’s laid eggs somewhere else in the house. Husband pointed out that squirrels don’t lay eggs. Husband may well suffer from a lack of imagination, but we all know it’s pronouncements like “squirrels don’t lay eggs” that are the prelude to your crappier horror sequels, so when you never hear from us again, you’ll know what got us.
Not only is it possible for squirrels to lay eggs, I hear their eggs do rather well in that pink insulation stuff. I hope you don’t have any of that in your attic. It breeds the things.
Alternately, the squirrel could potentially mate with a roach, which could lay the mutant squirrel/roach eggs practically anywhere — though preferably away from you.
One can never be too careful.
a belated merry christmas to you and the stalker squirrel!
The squirrely little bastards chewed our insulation to ribbons – now I know why! Husband thinks we’re *both* crazy. What does he know? I suspect the mutants may already be marching through the neighborhood, although i haven’t seen the telltale orange juice cartons they often leave in their wake.
And merry christmas to all! I may even get my cards out next week. Holy cats, but the Sons of Skatemom are adorable – they’ve joined the pantheon prominently on our piano.
I have an idea, let’s put a copy of my annulment papers in an envelope with some mutant squirrel/roach eggs and an empty Tropicana carton and send them over.
I know I should be over this, but it’s so much fun to fantasize.
Is anyone else bothered, in the context of this post, that we haven’t heard from Rebecca in 5 days?
I think the squirrel got her.
Anyway, Happy New Year, all you squirrel-related-death survivors!
peace
Matt