I’m pretty sure there are only two things in Kern County, California: the chimp sanctuary and my family. These things are unrelated, to the best of my knowledge.
Thursday’s Washington Post gave us the following article, “Moe, Free To Be a Chimpanzee: Ape of Some Notoriety Escapes Civilization.”
There’s an ape on the loose, a chimp on the lam. He’s a ribbon-cutting celebrity. But now he’s like a monkey gone wild.
Moe used to drive a car. Apparently, he was once issued a driver’s license, but it expired. Moe is now believed to be on foot. Lost? Hiding? Worse? He’s been out there, somewhere, in the rugged, brushy, snaky foothills of the San Bernardino Mountains west of Los Angeles since last Friday when he escaped from his cage. His frantic parents — that is what they call themselves — are weeping with worry. The authorities are not offering much help, though the folks at animal control do have a dart gun ready. The search continues.
Usually, a piece about an escaped chimpanzee is catnip to news editors, especially over a long holiday weekend. Like a good shark attack (or poodle-eating alligators or lurid panda sex), your missing-chimp story is a leafy green perennial of the news business. So here we go. Except. Except this is all sort of sad and disturbing.
Because maybe chimpanzees aren’t really supposed to wear short pants and live in suburban houses with humans who treat them as their child. It never really ends well, does it? Because even though the humans love them dearly, cute baby chimps grow into big adult apes, who can bite, which can have a tragic trajectory, as we shall see.
But then again, who are we to judge, those of us who have never put a pair of pajamas on an ape.
It really is a tragic tale. Why it took such prominent placement on the 4th of July I’ll never know. Perhaps because it’s a tale about freedom and the American dream, or perhaps because monkeys (or apes) sell papers.
It’s probably going to drive JunglePete crazy that I put this in the “monkeys” category, but he’s going to have to live with it. He’s been running amok with the aforementioned Church Sign Generator so he’s earned himself a little crazy-making.
The chimp supposedly used his turn signal when changing lanes and never used his cell phone while driving. He’s ok in my book.
I’m content with any primate related postings as long as they don’t have the headline “Monkey Business” or “Monkeying Around”. Both should be punished with the death penalty or at least a monkey poop dunk tank.