If you should find yourself at a Halloween Party that is skewing to the Right and is populated predominantly by Hill Staffers, the following tips may be useful to you. They may even save your life.

Unacceptable Conversation Topics: welfare, minorities, why you think airport security should be federalized, abortion, immigrants, the poor, taxes, sweat shops, homosexuality, the futility of the war on drugs, Ronald Reagan, single mothers, gay parents.

Acceptable Conversation Topics: anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, Dick Cheney, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax, anthrax.

Additionally, do not attempt humor. If you tire of the relentless name-dropping and answer the inevitable “what do you do?” by deadpanning that you are a dominatrix, do not worry about the ones who scatter, worry about the one who stays to chat.