I dreamt last night that I quit my job to write fulltime for Hollywood. I was in a staff meeting when some faceless exec came in, threw away our work, and informed us that we were in a new era and would be working in a new genre. What could be more fitting at this point in our history than Hollywood’s jingoistic take on patriotism, The Western?

That’s right. Westerns. All Westerns, all the time. I had to write Westerns.

They were positioning Brad Pitt to be the new John Wayne.

I got a promotion when I convinced the studio to fire Pitt and hire Christopher Walken. Then Christopher Walken was heralded as the new Brad Pitt, and it all started getting really self-referential and I couldn’t follow what was happening and I woke up in a cold sweat.

Sure, you’re laughing now.