I’ve been sick. My fever has been bouncing up and down like a chihuahua on springs. That hasn’t been unpleasant enough, so yesterday a wacky confluence of virus and drugs and who-knows-what gave me heartburn. I’ve clearly never had actual heartburn before.

If I ever get it again, please call President Obama’s death panel.

What possible evolutionary function can heartburn serve?

To quote Dr. Birdcage, “Sweet CheezIts.”*

Heartburn made me reminisce fondly about kidney surgery.

It’s not even legal to blog about the things I was willing to do yesterday to make the heartburn go away.

Heartburn is proof that there is no god.

Heartburn, as you may have derived, was no fun for me yesterday.

I was capable of laying on the couch, grunting, and watching television yesterday. And even the grunting was an effort. We watched 8 episodes of the Gilmore Girls in a row yesterday because it was all I was capable of doing.

On a side note, is anyone ever going to tell Rory that her boyfriend helped start the apocalypse?

Furthermore, don’t you think it’s disturbing that I find Lorelei amusing because she’s exactly like my mother, while Husband finds her amusing because he says she’s exactly like me? I do.

On a sidenote to this furthermore, I’d like to point out that according to Parenting Magazine, Lorelei is the 6th most popular baby name for girls for 2008.

But I digress.

I don’t wish heartburn on anyone.

I do, however, suggest that you all work the expression, “Sweet CheezIts” into your vocabulary, because it’s awesome. (edit: Or, possibly, “Holy CheezIts,” which is what the 1st version of this post said because my mind is a shell of it’s former self. Fortunately, Husband emailed me a correction).

I’m not sure what I think of chocolate-coconut covered cheese its, a recipe I uncovered when I accidentally pasted “holy cheez its” into google when I meant to pull up Dr. Birdcage’s blog so I could link to her. Which is silly, since I already had her blog open in another tab because I keep re-reading her adventures at a health care town hall in Richmond and trying to form words to respond. Just go read it.