I’m kidding. (I think.) Before the nice folks at Pottery Barn pop in here and yell at me for besmirching their fine establishment, I’ll say in my defense that I just bought 3 floor lamps from them. Heavy, heavy lamps. (That rangy hipster-guy who loads the boxes in your car is a hell of a lot stronger than he looks).

I wanted to avoid going to the store in the first place, so I went to their website to research shipping charges. I clicked on the Shipping Options link. Now I’m wondering what other people buy at Pottery Barn that would necessitate this information being at the top of the page – the header is “Three Ways to Save.” Option 1 (spend more than $3,000, get a discount) was rather pedestrian.

The 2nd & 3rd options were the ones that had me scratching my head:

Reduced Surcharges on 600 Items

We’ve significantly reduced surcharges on the delivery charges for over 600 items. You’ll save up to $675 on the delivery and processing surcharge. To find these special savings on the website, look for red “DELIVERY DISCOUNT!” messaging on product pages as you shop Furniture categories.

Set Discounts
With significant discounts on media, home office and bedroom furniture, now’s the perfect time to set up your entire space just the way you want. To find these special savings on the website, look for red “DELIVERY DISCOUNT!” messaging on product pages as you shop Furniture Categories.

600 items?

Who buys 600 items of anything at Pottery Barn? After I stared at it a little longer, I realized that they were saying that there are over 600 items on which they’ve discounted the delivery charge. The nuances of the two options are so subtle it seems silly to break them into two separate points.

Maybe I just need a nap.