I was chatting with a couple of friends and I vowed not to answer my phone or even say the word “artomatic” tomorrow. Well, today, but I’m about to post this and go to bed so it doesn’t count.

I made a joke about how maybe I needed some aversion therapy to keep me from being tempted. I was envisioning all sorts of comedy with some sort of shock collar.

They, being new moms and puppy owners, immediately got serious about the task at hand and made all manner of helpful suggestions about various bitter apple products. They were so intense about it and clearly eager to feel useful to someone who used polysyllabic words and didn’t want to watch the Wiggles that I didn’t have the heart to remind them that the issue isn’t that I have a compulsive drive to put my cellphone in my mouth. Or artomatic, for that matter. Who knows where that thing has been!