…is so ungodly awful that the Chris Wylde Show seems clever by comparison. Okay, that’s an overstatement since the Chris Wylde Show is abysmal. But by comparison it at least seems competent.

I tried to slog through the first night of Sandra’s new show. It opened with her standing by a piano delivering a monlogue (think a drunk Mr. Rogers with a script written by an equally wasted Joe Isuzu). Her piano player emoted wildly while she told us over and over how clever and witty and wonderful her show would be. Then she sang a song. Badly. She can sing, I’ve heard her. She clearly just doesn’t care enough to try to do so here.

Next, Sandra introduced us to her sidekick, Sarah Switzer. She then beat us over the head about what a great sidekick Sarah is and what a great pianist her pianist is. She told us over and over and over and over. Here’s a tip: people who are great at what they do don’t need to tell us they are great, we recognize that they are competent professionals when we see them being competent and professional.

The whole show had this public access vibe. Not kitschy faux-public access. Real public access, as in we’re incompetent and we’ve never worked in television and none of us can talk coherently. That kind of public access. Public access stripped of the charm and the innocence and the quirks.

The first guest was Edie Falco, the brilliant actress from Oz and the Sopranos. Sandra didn’t do her homework and was caught off guard by the fact that Edie was not, as Sandra stated, on Oz for one of it’s two seasons; but was instead on Oz for 4 of it’s 6 seasons. That’s a big fuckup, especially after you’ve claimed to watch the show.

Next up was Steven Van Zandt. Like with Edie Falco, Sandra kept trying to do the Oprah-style parrot the last idea the guest said in paraphrase thing. Except she kept contradicting the guest, who would correct her, and then she’d do it again. Sandra needs some active listening skills.

By the time she got to the musical guest we had fled to another channel. I think we were watching satelite imagery on the Weather Channel and rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

Tuesday night we accidentally clicked past it, just as she was singing to Boy George. He looked miserable. How long will this show last? It’s A and E so I guess it could hang on for a while, but if you decide to watch it don’t say we didn’t warn you…