The EFF Acquires the Department of Justice:

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) is merging with the United States Department of Justice (DOJ) in a stock-swap deal that will create a freedom advocacy giant better able to compete with the ACLU, the current industry leader.

Shari Steele, Executive Director & President of the EFF, will retain her position in the new expanded organization. John Ashcroft, the DOJ’s Attorney General, will take up a new position in the EFF’s Department of Office Supply Security.

“At a particularly challenging time for the Defense of Freedoms industry, this combination vaults us into a leadership role with customers and partners,” said Steele.

“Yes,” said Ashcroft, “it’s true. I will be in charge of staples. And tape. Especially duct tape.”

The most valuable thing to come from this merger is, in my opinion, the DOJ Terrorist Attack Information:

Get more information on how to detect suspicious people.

They’re probably people you know. In fact, I bet one’s sitting next to you right now. See?

That’s the kind of person you need to watch out for. Right there. The shifty-looking type. Do you know whose bag that is? That doesn’t look like groceries.

Quick! Report their activity! Then, get under the desk.

The threat level of silly jokes is elevated today. Be careful out there people.

It’s been too serious in here today. We needed some of the silly. Plus, I’m way way over-caffeinated today, as if you couldn’t tell.