To be fair, I only lasted through 2 (or was it 3?) commercial breaks – but that isn’t going to stop me from sharing with you my opinions on how this show could be better.

1. Find contestants who annoy each other, but not me.

2. It’s fine to make them compete for the best beds versus the cots and/or sleeping bags on the floor. But here’s a thought: why don’t you make looks deceiving? Sure, the babe who got the waterbed seems like she made the big slumbertime score, but will she still be gloating that first night when the producers freeze the liquid in her mattress? Suddenly, that army cot isn’t too bad, is it Sparky?

3. When someone gets voted out, they should NOT actually leave the house. Everyone should have to stick around; but the losers get to eat whatever the want, and they should have a TV room. Wouldn’t that be much more tense and dramatic?

Tonight’s show featured a “food challenge.” The People (what are they called? I’d check the website, but I’m too lazy) had to stuff all these bags of groceries, plus themselves, into a new SUV and then stay inside the SUV for 1 full minute. At the end of the minute they were awarded the food, but there was another part to the contest, whoever stayed in the SUV the longest – without going to the bathroom or going to sleep – wins the SUV. Okay, fine. It’s dumb, but fine. But during the first minute, when they were still on the “food challenge” part, I think that whole thing could have been greatly improved by ensuring that the grocery bags were full of spiders. Or that there was some time-release mechanism to slowly release thousands of spiders. It was just a thought.

I don’t think I can watch 3 months of this show. Is it really on that long? We’re Americans. We have short attention spans. We can’t be expected to hold on that long.