I can’t deploy to the Gulf Coast this week so some of you are just going to have to go in my place. Actually, my mom is already activated I think, but she’d be working anyway.

Unless you have an actual circumstance that would put you or others at risk if you left town (small children, will lose your job, are sick, have an elderly person dependent on you, etc) I do not want to hear your excuses for why you can’t go. You can tell “I don’t like to get up early” or “I don’t want to sleep in a hotel for two weeks” or “I have tickets to a Nats game next week” to some kids who’ve just lost everything in a flood, ok?

If you’re foolish enough to post a self-indulgent whine about why you can’t be bothered to help other human beings or are better than people who choose to live in disaster areas, I’ll approve your pathetic comments, but as always I also reserve the right to mock you in the manner you richly deserve.

You don’t have to actually go to a mass disaster site to help, you know. You can give blood. Foster a dog. Volunteer at your local church or Red Cross office so that others who are able to go help out can, they can’t go unless someone stays here so that’s just as valuable. You can give money. Just be sure that whoever you give your money to is legit.

My mom is 70 years old and had her knee replaced last year and she helps out. She doesn’t go drive an ERV or leave her district, but she answers phones and helps get the people who are deploying ready. You could do that. They teach you everything you need to know and you’re home by dinner time. In your nice non-flooded house with it’s electricity and running water and arugula. No depressing contact with the displaced or desperate required.

Feed the Children reports that a $7,200 dollar donation enables them to deliver 50,000 pounds of relief. You can donate any denomination, but I’d bet money that there are more than a few readers of this blog who could raise that money at work in one week by organizing a fundraiser with their coworkers. $105 dollars delivers 750 pounds of critical relief items, if that’s a less daunting challenge.

If you could get 100 people in your firm to forgo Starbucks and brownbag their lunch for a day or a week or a month and donate the money, how much could you raise? A lot. You want to do the Starbucks challenge at work, I’ve got a 50 cup coffee urn you can borrow. Come and get it.

Hey, you can also walk, run, volunteer, show up and cheer and/or donate to the New Orleans rebirth 5k! (Didn’t see that coming, did you?)

New Orleans isn’t the old place in the line of this latest storm, there are hundreds of towns in Texas, Louisiana, Alabama and Florida getting the shit kicked out of them right now and that’s lots of people who’re going to need a hand soon.

Just please oh please don’t try to donate stuff. Clothing, books, materials items of any kind are a huge huge burden to relief workers. They divert resources, take up room, and often go to waste.

Here’s how to volunteer for the American Red Cross (right now your best bet is probably to call your local chapter directly because they expedite volunteers at times like this). Later today or tomorrow I’ll post some more links to legit relief organizations.

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disclaimer: I’m not affiliated with any of the organizations or groups mentioned in this post. I’m just stuck in bed and agitated that I can’t be more useful.