Category Archives: true life 2008

Culinary tips

Dealing with doctors saps what little mental energy I have for the whole rest of the day. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it, anyway.

Yesterday, I attempted to make a pitcher of pink lemonade Crystal Light, which is derived from a toxic-looking yet soothing water soluble beverage powder of unknown, but presumably alien, origin. There are three basic steps and one optional advanced step necessary to prepare Crystal Light.

Basic steps:
1. dump powder into container
2. add water to container
3. shake or stir contents of jug

Optional, advanced step:
4. Refrigerate

Yesterday I carried out steps 1-4. Later, when I retrieved the container from the refrigerator I discovered I’d inadvertently skipped stepped 2. Step 2 is, it turns out, a crucial step in the process.

Husband said he thinks I should have my own cooking show. I think he’s being sarcastic.

Today will be a better day, it’s gotta be.

the accidental republican

Do you know anyone else who could accidentally end up at an election-watching/victory party for McCain-Palin?

I didn’t think so.

In my own defense: not all of our neighbors wear their yardsigns on their sleeves. Before you tell me “every Virginian is a redneck republican” crap, I’ll remind you that Alexandria went to Obama by 72% and the only surprise has been that it wasn’t higher. This is Communist Northern Virginia I’m in, not Real America Virginia.

My brain was off in NaNoWriMo World when they invited me and it took me a few minutes to realize that I was in the belly of the beast. You’d think the lifesize cardboard cutouts of McCain and Palin would have tipped me off, but I thought they were being ironic. I believe, much to my horror, that I actually pronounced them cool. My memory may be playing games on me, but when reality dawned on me it seemed like the moment in a horror movie when one realizes that one is at a party of aliens. Or satanists.

I’m not referring to Republicans as satanists. Only Sarah Palin supporters.

Only kidding.

No I’m not.

Maybe I am.

At any rate, I had to make small-talk for a while and the 1st rule of cocktail party chatter: no politics, was moot. Ditto the second rule: no religion. I did the only thing I could think of: I talked a lot about the sex-toy give-away. I felt like a lizard discarding it’s tail to create a distraction so I could escape a predator, but whatever. I didn’t want to burn any bridges – not even the bridge to nowhere.

That, kids, is why you don’t take candy, or martinis, from strangers. Or neighbors who you don’t know as much about as you think you do.

I'm not sure Husband is buying the whole, "God told me I needed these" argument

IMG_1631

Now that I’ve solved the crisis brought about by the gaping hole in my wardrobe that a pair of brown boots needed to be in, I’ll have to do something useful with my life again. Which reminds me, tomorrow is the kick-off for National Novel Writing Month. Next week it’s a fundraising campaign (details TBA) and the election, of course, and something else I can’t remember right now. I’m sure it’s important, though – and not selfish, like shoe shopping. But not quite as important as the election, something in between.

today is cancelled

I’m canceling today. I have the power to do that, you know. Today is migraine, day 7, and I think it’s officially defeated me. If I’m only going to get one thing done today, it should be something substantial, so I’m giving you all the day off. Go on home and do whatever you want, we’ll try again tomorrow.