Politics & Pop Culture. Also, episodes of squirrel-induced rage.
I still haven’t found that dental hygiene video I dimly remember from my childhood (see the previous post), but Husband and I did laugh hysterically at this re-dubbing of a Timmy the Tooth video.
We may need to drink more coffee.
tags: dental hygiene, timmy the tooth
filed under: humor | 1 Comment »
Recently, Husband and I viewed a double-feature of two of the greatest horror movies of all time, or at least from 1982/83. I’m speaking, of course, of Poltergeist and Flashdance. Somehow, we then got stuck in the early 80s and decided to watch and the Black Hole.
If you haven’t seen Tron, I don’t think that you should care about spoilers because, let’s be honest, Tron is a dumbass movie.
You might remember it as a good movie, but you’d be wrong.
See, in 1982, when you wrote a computer program, a miniature person drove around executing the program in a miniature car.
This reminded me of a creepy dental hygiene video I saw in elementary school. It wasn’t the Crest’s Cavity Creeps, but so far my YouTube searching has only turned up Cavity Creeps, porn, and opossums.
Do you remember the Cavity Creeps? The Cavity Creeps were creepy, but it was the other video that creeped me the fuck out. I can’t find the other video, but I’m not done looking yet.
I can only assume that the devolution of this post indicates that it’s my destiny to post the 3rd opossum-care video before I get around to posting about the psychic damage inflicted by Tron and the Black Hole.
On a opossum-related sidenote, one night my whole neighborhood was awakened to the horrible scene of opossums ripping a squirrel’s nest apart in our yard.
The carnage was grotesque. There’s no way I’d brush the teeth of an opossum under any circumstances.
If you decide to brush an opossum’s teeth, be my guest.
Just don’t use your own toothbrush.
tags: black hole, cavity creeps, dental hygiene, opossum, tron
filed under: movies, true life 2010, wild kingdom | No Comments »
I’ve mentioned before that my Mom’s family is verbose, so I’ll just recap:
I mention this because Husband and I deposited Mom at my Aunt’s house yesterday. Mom, Aunt and Cousin set out together on the Family Funeral Roadtrip. To make a long story short, I decided not to go. Not because my family is insane, that doesn’t even go onto the decision tree, I just didn’t feel well enough to go.
When they drove away, Aunt was driving and Mom and Cousin were both sitting in the backseat of the car. If you’ve never seen people argue about who did not have to ride shotgun before, you must not be one of my relatives.
A few hours later, we got the 1st voicemail from Mom. It was an hour before I could call her back and in the meantime they’d settled their argument. Miss Muffet, they all agreed, had been eating curds and whey.
When I reached them later, the three of them were again fighting bitterly and I got to settle the dispute. This dispute was over the words to the rhyme “Little Jack Horner.”
You can’t make stuff like this up. Maybe you can, but this is just business as usual for us. The McCoys have a propensity for feuding.
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As a post-script, let me just tell you that the 5 hour roadtrip, with traffic, turned into a 9 hour odyssey. I regret not going to the funeral, I’m not sure I regret not being in that car. Though if I’d gone, Mom and I would have driven on our own, so god only knows what I’d be blogging.
tags: family fun, funerals
filed under: true life 2010 | 3 Comments »
I know I’ve already posted one opossum video this week, but it turns out the massage video is even more hilariously sublime than the pedicure video and I feel compelled to post it, just in case you haven’t checked it out already.
tags: me pearl, opossum, opossum massage
filed under: wild kingdom | 9 Comments »
Guillermo del Toro’s Hobbit may have gone down the drain, but now the director is apparently taking a whack at making a scary 3D movie version of Disney’s Haunted Mansion:
He tells trade paper Daily Variety, “We will make the Haunted Mansion the most haunted place on Earth. We are not making it a comedy. We will make it scary and fun at the same time. For me, the Mansion needs to be the haunted house movie for this generation.”
The Haunted Mansion in the Magic Kingdom (Orlando, for those who don’t speak Disney) has always been my favorite ride. I haven’t seen the Eddie Murphy Haunted Mansion movie, although I intend to get around to it eventually. I find the prospect of del Toro’s interpretation intriguing. On a related note, Mom and I are going to try to go this October to check out the ride when it’s re-themed as Nightmare Before Christmas.
tags: 3d, disney, guillermo del toro, haunted mansion, walt disney world
filed under: movies | No Comments »
Pearl is a deceased squirrel who channels prophesies and advice through her (former) human caretaker. Pearl has an extensive website that features more than just her caretaker demonstrating the proper way to give an opossum a pedicure, but it’s the pedicure video that originally caught my attention, so that’s what you get today.
“The most entertaining opossum pedicure tutorial you will watch today, guaranteed.”
After you watch this video, you will feel saner, guaranteed.
Via Husband via The Daily What.
tags: daily what, mepearl, opossum, pedicures, youtube
filed under: seriously?, squirrels | 1 Comment »
I like spiders. They’re interesting creatures, many are even quite beautiful. They don’t bang around in the walls, they don’t generally do any damage to your home, they don’t smell, and they don’t talk on their cell-phones while they swerve in and out of your lane at 40 MPH on Connecticut Avenue.
Nevertheless, I had to kill a large wolf spider last night in mom’s bathroom.
How large? I’m pretty sure it was actually howling at the moon when I interrupted it.
I intended to trap it under a glass and repatriate it to the wild, but I was a micro-second slow and crushed it with the side of the glass when I trapped it. I felt pretty horrible watching it die. Then I made Husband flush it down the toilet while I stood outside the room yelling hysterically for him to be careful.
Before you pass judgement, hear me out. I believe you’ll agree with me that the spider got what was coming to it based on it’s hostile behavior, aggressive posturing, gargantuan size, and overall hairiness.
Here’s what happened:
I flipped on the bathroom light and the arachnid in question was standing on the floor in front of the bathtub. Normally, one might say that a spider was “sitting” on the floor, but there was nothing passive about this sonofabitch. It wasn’t resting, it was merely pausing between acts of wanton destruction and cold-blooded killing.
It looked up at me like it was daring me to step into the room.
It shifted it’s mass back onto it’s abdomen, lifting it’s cephalothorax up slightly as it did that creepy thrumming thing spiders do with their 4 front legs when they’re obviously planning something. It’s an elegant motion, like graceful fingers elegantly drumming upon a table, or harp-strings set in motion.
Except instead of beautiful music I heard a slight crunching sound as the spider then used those elegant legs to reach over and idly pick through the pile of carnage by it’s side. I think it was using a puppy’s femur as a toothpick to work some gristle out of it’s gleaming razor-sharp fangs.
The spider nodded it’s head ever so slightly at me, as if to say, “You’re next, pal.”
If I’d had either a shotgun or the shopvac handy there would have been less screaming. Or maybe more screaming, but less spider.
I’m willing to entertain the possibility that the behemoth wasn’t actually sitting on a pile of gore and licking the blood of toddlers from it’s pedipalps, but I haven’t had any coffee yet so I can’t really be sure.
tags: kingdom of the spiders, spiders, wolf spider
filed under: true life 2010, wild kingdom | 3 Comments »
As reported in the Telegraph, and a million other places, BrewDog created a special edition cask for it’s End of History Ale. (Hello, clever publicity stunt, your mother is calling). The Ale is sold out, but I can tell you where you can get some squirrels if you’d like to try your hand at replicating at least one element of the product.
tags: brewdog, end of history ale, squirrels
filed under: squirrels, true life 2010 | No Comments »
tags: family
filed under: true life 2010 | No Comments »
Interesting. The Washington Post had a front page story about seat hogs on Metro – people who take up two seats even when people have to stand. These people either pretend they don’t see the people standing or get aggressive and rude when asked to move.
The disdain – or even outright venom – from the able-bodied towards the article is rather perplexing to me. As someone who can’t stand for very long on Metro and who has had a ridiculously large number of ugly encounters with seat hogs, I have to say that I think the people who don’t get it out to spend a day riding the Metro with someone who can’t stand. Maybe it would open their eyes a little bit. Maybe the ones who are most vocal about assuming the problem lies with the people who can’t get a seat are themselves seat hogs.
I doubt an article will shame the unrepentant seat hogs into being more considerate, anyone that aggressive about not sharing a seat isn’t going to be fazed by a newspaper article. That may sound pessimistic, but I’ve been riding Metro for over 20 years and this problem just gets worse and worse and I feel like over time these people have learned that there are no consequences to their refusal to share a seat or give up a disabled-access seat so it doesn’t seem like the situation has any chance or improving.
tags: metro
filed under: true life 2010 | 7 Comments »
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