Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds edition Barbie. Now that’s quality.
I don’t normally post advertising on this site, but in the interest of mocking it, I give you: the Snuggie. The ad is so silly it reduced us to tears.
I had to edit this post – I had the video embedded but it was set to auto-launch, which was annoying enough. Then their site overloaded and it was screwing up my page loading, so I’ve removed the video and am giving you a link to the website. The video loads automatically when you click the link – you’ve been warned.
I love love love the image of the druid family sitting in the bleachers. Husband is partial to the family sitting around the fire in their (presumably flammable) matching flannel potato sacks.
If I hadn’t already rounded out my holiday shopping list with a case of Mr. Yuk t-shirts, I know what I’d be ordering tonight.
Oh hell, I’ll bet I know what my in-laws are giving me for Chanukah…
Nothing really gets the blood pumping like hate, does it? Makes you feel all warm and cozy. Righteous indigination, a sense of belonging. What could be better? I had a long manifesto on hate, a tangent from yesterday’s mention of the alleged War on Christmas, but I’ve junked it in favor of a link to an interesting read on Alternet today, A Whiter Shade of Christmas:
The holiday song “White Christmas” is a favorite among the white supremacist set, for obvious reasons. May your days be merry and bright / And may all your Christmases be white. Put into the context of white nationalism, the tune becomes a jolly anthem for white pride and privilege. And don’t think that racist activists can’t be jolly or share a little holiday cheer.
In fact, there is an international organization of white supremacist women who devote their energies to holiday activities such as sending Christmas cards to their incarcerated “brothers,” and raising money for needy Aryans. This year Women for Aryan Unity (WAU) is holding its 15th annual Yulefund, which has purportedly raised $2,000 over the last three years to buy gifts for children of incarcerated white supremacists. Women for Aryan Unity also publishes a cookbook, sends welcome packages to new mothers, and runs an Aryan Clothing Drive.
[read the rest of the article]
In her conclusion, the author makes the following suggestions:
In the meantime, you can dedicate your holiday activities to tolerance by giving a year-end gift to one of the many anti-hate organizations and donating to a clothes drive that helps people of all colors. And, for God’s sake, please don’t sing “White Christmas.”
I do hope that her request that one not sing “White Christmas” is some sort of failed sarcasm, because if it’s not it takes her into that silliness zone so cozily occupied by our favorite sitcom host, Bill O’Reilly.
Sometime in the not-so-distant past someone made a snide and off-handed remark about how easy and boring my job must be and then went on to ask how I could keep from becoming brain-dead after so long working in a library, going so far as to suggest that librarian’s salaries are a waste of tax dollars.
I have a fun job and a great boss. Some parts of it can be very tedious, but it’s never the same two days in a row. It also requires critical thinking, diplomacy, and social skills – it’s not mindlessly sitting at a desk staring into space or reading a book all day. I’ve had the job for ten years now and there’s always something new to learn. Could I do with fewer meetings? Sure, who couldn’t?
I kept trying to say as much, but the person said, “Yeah, right,” in a really snide way each time. I don’t like the person so I blew it off, but it pissed me off all over again this morning when a coworker was talking about her intense dread over going home for the holidays because her family is incredibly shallow and only values money, brand names, consumer goods. A group of us tried to cheer her up, pointing out how their constant sneering at her job and inability to form opinions on other people based on anything other than the brands they wear is a pretty pathetic form of arrested development and she should view her time with them as an important cautionary tale, or maybe a reminder of why she lives far away.
But I’m about to digress into a generalized tirade about rude, materialistic and judgmental people, when the original post was supposed to be about, oh, wait, rude, materialistic and judgmental people.
So yeah, I get it that there are people who don’t respect the choices of anyone other than themselves. They don’t understand I have actual responsibilities and a staff to supervise. I have a lot of flexibility – but I also have to work early, late and on weekends. I got 2 free college degrees courtesy of this job and I have no student loan debt. I get loads of vacation and I can have lunch or coffee with Husband every single day if I want to. I work with some annoying people, but I also work with some of the greatest people in the world.
Plus, my office is cold and dark, except when it’s really hot. Wait, why is that a good thing? I don’t think it is so I better quit while I’m ahead.
What I’m saying is, happy holidays and don’t let your family drive you insane. Instead of taking the bait, try this: paste a Mona Lisa smile on your face and just stare intently at them no matter what they say to you.
Reply, “How very interesting,” or “How so?” whenever a response seems to be required. Repeated often enough, these phrases will eventually fill them with self-doubt and discomfort and hopefully they’ll go annoy someone else.
You could also get a jump-start on the New Year’s Resolutionaries at the gym and go burn off that aggression in a way that won’t land you in jail.
Alternately, you could end every sentence with, “…as it is written” while carrying around a copy of Dianetics or some other such tome that spooks your family.
Any one of these approaches should buy you peace and quiet in no time.
Before I discovered the wonders of shopping local, I used to cast my net farther-afield. Last year’s haul came from Skeleton’s in the Closet.The L.A. County Coroner’s Office Gift Shop. (motto: “Part of you thinks it’s in poor taste, part of you wants an XL.” Great service, great gifts, supporting a great cause.
There are so many wonderful places where you can fulfill your holiday gift-giving needs. In the spirit of the season, I’m sharing my favorites with you. If you’re on my list (the gift-giving list, not the shit-list) and you’ve been reading this, please act surprised when you open your present(s).
As you’ve probably noticed, I’m not a big fan of mass-market, no personality crap. Not to sound like Martha Stewart, but I’ve found that there are so many wonderful small businesses, independent artisans, and out of the way places that are just chock full of delightful goodies. High on my list this year is the National Capital Poison Center. T-shirts. Magnets. Stickers. All bearing the festive (and educational) face of Mister Yuck. What could be better?
As your guide to good taste, I’ve decided to begin to compile a holiday gift guide. If you have a lot of cash to blow, I suggest starting with handmade Christmas ornaments from wolfsnare. The note on their site reads “I’ve always had the greatest repsect for the tradition of Christmas, and I’m confident that these treasures will not reflect that sentiment in the least.” Can’t beat that kind of goodwill, not even with a stick. wolfsnare’s Santa.