Interstate Mullet Toss

Today’s New York Times article about Broad Bradstock’s retirement from javelin-throwing contained information about his February mullet toss across the Florida/Alabama State line:

In February, Bradstock said, he threw a wet fish across the state line separating Florida from Alabama. The distance was 196 feet 9 inches.

“A very official world master’s record for a mullet,” Bradstock said.

I had to look up more about this historic event because enquiring minds wanted to know. (Actually, it’s because the Simpson’s Movie is boring me to tears, but whatever).

Bradstock made his history-making throw at the Floribama, which turns out to also be the site of the annual Interstate Mullet Toss. Bradstock’s mullet toss was a solo effort, the actual competition is held each year during the last full weekend in April:

WHY TOSS A MULLET?
A contribution for each fish flung will go to
Local Youth Charities.

Each year, with your help, we raise and contribute over
$20,000 to our local charities, especially youth organizations.

WHEN DOES THE ACTUAL TOSSING OF THE MULLET BEGIN?
10:00 a.m. Saturday & Sunday

Celebrity Tossers at High Noon Saturday

ARE THE MULLET ALIVE?
No

WHAT IS THE RECORD FOR TOSSING A MULLET?
The record is held by Josh Serotum, who in 2004 tossed the mullet 189’8″ in his preliminary toss and 174′ 3″ in his final toss.

WHAT HAPPENS TO MULLET AFTER THE MULLET TOSS?
We feed them to the birds.

HOW MANY PEOPLE USUALLY COME TO THE MULLET TOSS?
Several Thousand

If you’d like to see Bradstock’s monumental mullet toss, YouTube is here to help:

Now you know.

Be on the lookout for a chimp, possibly driving a stolen car

I’m pretty sure there are only two things in Kern County, California: the chimp sanctuary and my family. These things are unrelated, to the best of my knowledge.

Thursday’s Washington Post gave us the following article, “Moe, Free To Be a Chimpanzee: Ape of Some Notoriety Escapes Civilization.”

There’s an ape on the loose, a chimp on the lam. He’s a ribbon-cutting celebrity. But now he’s like a monkey gone wild.

Moe used to drive a car. Apparently, he was once issued a driver’s license, but it expired. Moe is now believed to be on foot. Lost? Hiding? Worse? He’s been out there, somewhere, in the rugged, brushy, snaky foothills of the San Bernardino Mountains west of Los Angeles since last Friday when he escaped from his cage. His frantic parents — that is what they call themselves — are weeping with worry. The authorities are not offering much help, though the folks at animal control do have a dart gun ready. The search continues.

Usually, a piece about an escaped chimpanzee is catnip to news editors, especially over a long holiday weekend. Like a good shark attack (or poodle-eating alligators or lurid panda sex), your missing-chimp story is a leafy green perennial of the news business. So here we go. Except. Except this is all sort of sad and disturbing.

Because maybe chimpanzees aren’t really supposed to wear short pants and live in suburban houses with humans who treat them as their child. It never really ends well, does it? Because even though the humans love them dearly, cute baby chimps grow into big adult apes, who can bite, which can have a tragic trajectory, as we shall see.

But then again, who are we to judge, those of us who have never put a pair of pajamas on an ape.

It really is a tragic tale. Why it took such prominent placement on the 4th of July I’ll never know. Perhaps because it’s a tale about freedom and the American dream, or perhaps because monkeys (or apes) sell papers.

It’s probably going to drive JunglePete crazy that I put this in the “monkeys” category, but he’s going to have to live with it. He’s been running amok with the aforementioned Church Sign Generator so he’s earned himself a little crazy-making.

writer's block

I love the idea of the church sign generator, but whenever I go to the site my brain freezes and I can’t ever come up with anything clever.

Sometimes I wonder if they’re using some sort of sign generator at our local Popeye’s. My all-time favorite (real) sign was from a few year’s ago. It read:

Happy Mother’s Day
breasts legs thighs

It was a classic.

But now, I need a nap.

Happy 4th of July! If you burn your fingers off with those fireworks, don’t come crying to me.

Look,

I don’t care how crappy your day has been, if you didn’t spend over 2 hours of it with the crappy Don Henley song “All She Wants to do is Dance” in your head, you should count your blessings.

I'm willing to believe anything I read

Mice given the equivalent of six to eight cups of coffee a day were less likely to develop a disease similar to multiple sclerosis, a study found.

Researchers hope this could lead to new ways to prevent MS in humans.
The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal reported that the caffeine appeared to prevent nervous system damage.

See, I told you coffee was an essential food group.