Would ya like a pumpkin spice latte to go with that fragrant fall-scented litter box?

A photo posted by Rebecca (@meanlouise) on

Mocking pumpkin spice is the new black.

And what’s the new black? That’s right, kids, burlap! Okay. Maybe not, so let’s get back on topic.

I was at Target last week when I encountered a woman standing in front of an end-cap of pumpkin spice scented and/or flavored stuff. She was wailing.

In my memory she was also rending her garments, but I that’s just my memory trying to milk the imagery for maximum impact. There wasn’t any rending to speak of.

There was definitely wailing.

“They’re ruining pumpkin spice the way Yankee candle wrecked apple cider for everyone in the 90s!”

Instead of routing around her, as one would normally do when someone has a nervous breakdown in a retail establishment, people were gathering around her to bond over the industrial-pumpkin-spice complex. My desire to spend as little time in the store as humanly possible prevented me from sticking around to eavesdrop on the spontaneous support group, but it was tempting.

The best part was that a very earnest and cheerful Target team member popped up and, clearly only catching the last bit of her plaintive cry, chirped, “We have a full restock of yankee candle apple spice merchandise in the aisle…”

I couldn’t hear the rest of his sentence because I was hightailing it out of there. I imagine what happened next was akin to the penultimate scene in the film Freaks (1932).

Poor bastard.

I fully expect that next time I visit the store those customers will all be huddled around him chanting “One of us! One of us!” while he struggles under the weight of all of the pumpkin spice skittles they’ve superglued to his head.

On a related note, this HuffPost (humor) headline made me laugh: “Starbucks Barista Completes Life Cycle, Becomes Pure Pumpkin Spice.”

This post started life as an instagram post and a couple of comments I made on Faith Sword’s facebook page.

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